Aust Winner 澳洲长风论坛

[苑眉]

悲 伤

悲伤
是盛开在荒野中的红玫瑰
在雨季里
每一片花瓣上都滴着水
那么的娇艳
那么的凄美

小心呵，小心呵
多情的人儿
千万不要触摸她——
她会使你的手指流血
心儿破碎！

================

Sadness

By Yuanmei

Sadness,
Is like the red roses blooming in the wild.
In the rainy days,
Every petal dripping with raindrops
How beautiful, and yet
How sorrowful!

Watch out, oh, watch out!
People longing for tender love
Please touch her not --
Or she would prick your fingers,
And even break your heart!

苑眉作品

[海外逸士]

In the rainy days
Every petal dripping with raindrops
How beautiful, and yet
How sorrowful!

use "bleeding" instead of "pierced"

[苑眉]

改了之后读起来顺畅多了啊！

谢谢老师的纠正！

[苑眉]

改！

要学的还真多啊！

[非马]

苑眉好！

"in the wildness"也许改为“in the wild" or "in the wilderness"较佳。
"Or she would get your fingers bleeding,
And even break your heart into pieces!" 改为：
"Or she would prick your fingers,
And even break your heart!" 如何？

[苑眉]

[非马]

苑眉好！wildness一般指野性。in the wild (或in the wilds)及
wilderness则指野地，荒野。

[苑眉]