Aust Winner 澳洲长风论坛

[苑眉]

秘密

不告诉你我的秘密
那一场风花雪月的故事
尽管暗夜里上演
无数次

不想知道你的秘密
听你叨唠那还不如
去问
一朵雏菊——

爱我
不爱我

……

爱我
不爱我

……


SECRET

Never let you know
My secret
A romance happening often
In the dark

Never want to know
Your secret
If your murmurs give no answer
When I ask a daisy –

Love me
Love me not...

Love me
Love me not...

[howard2005]

"want you know" should be "want you to know"

I never let you know
my secret
though I imagine the romance
so many times in the night

I never want to know
your secret
I would rather ask a daisy
than listen to your murmurs

love me
or not...

love me
or not...

[苑眉]

谢谢 howard2005 的修改建议，非常有用！

关于西方人眼里的“雏菊”，howard2005 可以读一读 安徒生 的《蝴蝶》。。。
挺有意思的。。。

“Love me not”，是来自于凤仙花的英文表达：“Touch Me Not”。。。希望这里没学错。。。

感觉翻译，有时却是。。。在将原诗中某些不确定的意思作一个确定化呢。。。

want 后面是要用的不定式。。。改过。。。谢谢！

[howard2005]

我将

love me
or love me not

精简为

love me
or not

[howard2005]

The Butterfly

by Hans Christian Andersen (1861)

There was once a butterfly who wished for a bride, and, as may be supposed, he wanted to choose a very pretty one from among the flowers. He glanced, with a very critical eye, at all the flower-beds, and found that the flowers were seated quietly and demurely on their stalks, just as maidens should sit before they are engaged; but there was a great number of them, and it appeared as if his search would become very wearisome. The butterfly did not like to take too much trouble, so he flew off on a visit to the daisies. The French call this flower “Marguerite,” and they say that the little daisy can prophesy. Lovers pluck off the leaves, and as they pluck each leaf, they ask a question about their lovers; thus: “Does he or she love me?—Ardently? Distractedly? Very much? A little? Not at all?” and so on. Every one speaks these words in his own language. The butterfly came also to Marguerite to inquire, but he did not pluck off her leaves; he pressed a kiss on each of them, for he thought there was always more to be done by kindness.

"Darling Marguerite daisy,” he said to her, “you are the wisest woman of all the flowers. Pray tell me which of the flowers I shall choose for my wife. Which will be my bride? When I know, I will fly directly to her, and propose.”

But Marguerite did not answer him; she was offended that he should call her a woman when she was only a girl; and there is a great difference. He asked her a second time, and then a third; but she remained dumb, and answered not a word. Then he would wait no longer, but flew away, to commence his wooing at once. It was in the early spring, when the crocus and the snowdrop were in full bloom.

"They are very pretty,” thought the butterfly; “charming little lasses; but they are rather formal.”

Then, as the young lads often do, he looked out for the elder girls. He next flew to the anemones; these were rather sour to his taste. The violet, a little too sentimental. The lime-blossoms, too small, and besides, there was such a large family of them. The apple-blossoms, though they looked like roses, bloomed to-day, but might fall off to-morrow, with the first wind that blew; and he thought that a marriage with one of them might last too short a time. The pea-blossom pleased him most of all; she was white and red, graceful and slender, and belonged to those domestic maidens who have a pretty appearance, and can yet be useful in the kitchen. He was just about to make her an offer, when, close by the maiden, he saw a pod, with a withered flower hanging at the end.

"Who is that?” he asked.

"That is my sister,” replied the pea-blossom.

"Oh, indeed; and you will be like her some day,” said he; and he flew away directly, for he felt quite shocked.

A honeysuckle hung forth from the hedge, in full bloom; but there were so many girls like her, with long faces and sallow complexions. No; he did not like her. But which one did he like?

Spring went by, and summer drew towards its close; autumn came; but he had not decided. The flowers now appeared in their most gorgeous robes, but all in vain; they had not the fresh, fragrant air of youth. For the heart asks for fragrance, even when it is no longer young; and there is very little of that to be found in the dahlias or the dry chrysanthemums; therefore the butterfly turned to the mint on the ground. You know, this plant has no blossom; but it is sweetness all over,—full of fragrance from head to foot, with the scent of a flower in every leaf.

"I will take her,” said the butterfly; and he made her an offer. But the mint stood silent and stiff, as she listened to him. At last she said,—

"Friendship, if you please; nothing more. I am old, and you are old, but we may live for each other just the same; as to marrying—no; don’t let us appear ridiculous at our age.”

And so it happened that the butterfly got no wife at all. He had been too long choosing, which is always a bad plan. And the butterfly became what is called an old bachelor.

It was late in the autumn, with rainy and cloudy weather. The cold wind blew over the bowed backs of the willows, so that they creaked again. It was not the weather for flying about in summer clothes; but fortunately the butterfly was not out in it. He had got a shelter by chance. It was in a room heated by a stove, and as warm as summer. He could exist here, he said, well enough.

"But it is not enough merely to exist,” said he, “I need freedom, sunshine, and a little flower for a companion.”

Then he flew against the window-pane, and was seen and admired by those in the room, who caught him, and stuck him on a pin, in a box of curiosities. They could not do more for him.

"Now I am perched on a stalk, like the flowers,” said the butterfly. “It is not very pleasant, certainly; I should imagine it is something like being married; for here I am stuck fast.” And with this thought he consoled himself a little.

"That seems very poor consolation,” said one of the plants in the room, that grew in a pot.

"Ah,” thought the butterfly, “one can’t very well trust these plants in pots; they have too much to do with mankind.”

[非马]

经howard2005改过的是好多了. 但我想用"love me/love me not" 比较好。这同"forget me/forget me not" 有异曲同工之妙。喃喃的自语正好表达了爱情的犹豫与彷徨。我有一首叫《花落》的诗，英文就是用这样的句子：

花落

没有一次
我能平静地
听你数

忘我
毋忘我
忘我
毋忘我

到最后一瓣

A FLOWER FALLING

never
can I listen calmly
to you counting

forget me
forget me not
forget me
forget me not ...

to the last petal

[苑眉]

这首诗的最终完成。。。是经历了漫长的过程的。。。
而这过程就像这首诗的诗题《秘密》一样。。。就让它成为一个“秘密”吧——

不告诉你！不告诉你！就。。。不告诉你！！哈哈~~

只是。。。貌似让非马老师感到郁闷可不好呢。。。

我对联素来就喜欢玩“双关”。。。嗯。。。就当这里也用上那个机关了吧。。。
老师也当作是在听一个“故事里的事儿”吧。。。

其实，我自己在翻译时，也经过了一番抉择。。。就像喃喃询问那被看作“智者”以及“预言家”的雏菊那样：是要这个意思呢。。。还是那个。。。

无论如何，非常谢谢非马老师一直来对我的诗歌写作以及翻译的关注并给予的细致而严谨的指导！
当然，也谢谢 howard2005 对这首诗歌另一层意思的“确定”。。。

[苑眉]

谢谢 howard2005 转贴的 安徒生的《蝴蝶》，现将其存放于文学宝库，并悬于《英文小说》置顶帖子中，与大家共享。。。