Aust Winner 澳洲长风论坛

[苑眉]

沙

作者：艾青

太阳照着一片白沙
沙上印着我们的脚迹
我们走在江水的边沿
江水在风里激荡
我们呼叫着摆渡的过来
但呼声被风飘走了

1940年2月12日


SAND

WR. by Aiqing
TR. by Yuanmei

The sun burned on the white sand
Where we left our footprints behind
We walked along the riverbank
The water kept surging in the wind
We called out for the ferry
But our voice was swept away by the wind

(February 12, 1940)

[非马]

试改动几个字，看是否好些？

The sun burned on the white sand
Where we left our footprints behind
We walked along the riverbank
The water kept surging in the wind
We called out for the ferry
But our voice was swept away by the wind

端午节快乐！

[苑眉]

非马老师改的肯定没有错的啦！

shout at 对着……大喊大叫……，没有喊人过来的意思。。。
我就是想不出用 call out for 啊！

还是非马老师厉害！

非马老师有时间的话，再继续帮我修改其他的好吗？谢谢了！

希望不会累坏老师啦。。。

[苑眉]

差点忘了。。。也祝老师端午快乐！

[william zhou周道模]

现在看来，艾青的这种诗太浅显了。

[非马]

[非马]

[苑眉]

[苑眉]

[苑眉]

riverbank....... 改了！

谢谢老师！