Aust Winner 澳洲长风论坛

[周昕]

残星

北国正是春光好，
南澳天凉景色清。
繁忙世界多过客，
宁静江山少知音。

徒有华发度浮生，
仍无锦衣示乡亲。
欲腾红霞留落日，
空对青冥点残星。

Fading Stars

My homeland in the North is welcoming the beautiful spring,
Australia, my new home is getting cooler with a pleasant scene.
In busy world I met people passing by hustling and bustling,
Yet in this quiet and peaceful country bosom friends are scarce.

Already my hairs turn grey as I go through this life in a natural way,
Yet till now I still stray and have no great deeds to make people proud.
Wish I could mount rosy clouds to stop the sun from setting,
End up facing the vast sky counting stars fading.

[howard2005]

欣赏佳作佳译。

[周昕]

[短平快]

欣赏楼主美文佳译。

[周昕]

[howard2005]

北国正是春光好，
南澳天凉景色清。
繁忙世界多过客，
宁静江山少知音。

When China in the north enjoys spring so bright,
Australia in the south gets cool with scenery fair.
In busy world many people go in and out of sight,
Yet in this serene country bosom friends are rare.

[周昕]

[howard2005]

周先生批评得对，改译如下：

As my country in the north basks in spring so bright,
Australia--my new home--gets cool with scenery fair.
In busy world many people go in and out of my sight,
Yet in this serene country my bosom friends are rare.

[周昕]

[短平快]

欣赏楼上二位的佳作佳译。


北国正是春光好，
南澳天凉景色清。
繁忙世界多过客，
宁静江山少知音。


My homeland in the North is welcoming the beautiful spring,
Australia, my new home is getting cooler with a pleasant scene.
In busy world I met people passing by hustling and bustling,
Yet in this quiet and peaceful country bosom friends are scarce.



周先生的版本第一和第三行算押韵，第二和第四行可算押头韵，但似乎不常见。我冒昧替先生改二词，还望先生海涵。


My homeland in the North is welcoming the beautiful spring,
Australia, my new home is getting cooler with a pleasant view.
In busy world I met people passing by hustling and bustling,
Yet in this quiet and peaceful country bosom friends are few.

[howard2005]

用view与few押韵，蛮好。

[周昕]