Aust Winner 澳洲长风论坛

[張航]

矗　立
張 航

一
一輪夕陽笑瞇瞇，映得蒼穹、大地五彩繽紛。
喜訊、大喜訊，一個天大的喜訊，終於降到藍天德的府上，因他結婚十來年，成天魂牽夢縈，朝思夕盼，希望太座能生下一男半女，好替藍家接燃這柱香火，苦捱了這些年，總算如願以償，太座已替他添了個小壯丁。他可樂得心旌旖旎，笑逐顏開了。急忙跑到門口燃放鞭炮，左鄰右舍聞聲也匆遽紛紛前來道賀。
﹁恭喜，恭喜！﹂
﹁恭喜你添丁發財。」
﹁哎呀！小子圓鼓鼓的，長得挺像他老子。﹂
﹁看這小精靈，滿煞有其事的還捏緊兩把小拳頭。﹂
﹁前輩子準是位武士。﹂
﹁從他那雙偌偌大的耳朵看來，就可瞥出這小子，將後福氣定是無窮的。﹂
﹁那可不是。﹂
﹁囉！你們看，他的小腳，也像小手似的捏了兩把小拳頭。﹂
﹁怎生下一個這樣的兒子？﹂
﹁………﹂
賀客們七嘴八舌鬧成一團，藍大嫂可樂得淚光瀲灩，緊摟牢孩子不讓賀客接近，深怕她的愛子會被別人奪走似的。
﹁秀芳嫂子，做月子千萬可不能流淚呀！這樣會傷元氣的。﹂
﹁是呀！要珍惜自己的身子。﹂
﹁………﹂
藍太太斂容蹙眉，一臉漠然，霎時，兩眶熱淚便劈嘀叭塔，如破閘的洪水泛濫起來了。
上蒼好似有意來捉弄藍天德，兒子生下來，太座的奶汁，跟常人頗為異樣，可乾涸得擠不出一滴水來。孩子成天啼哭得愁煞人，他那四隻捏得緊緊的小拳，全被他母親包紮得牢牢，畏恐兒子的金拳銀腿會給歹徒盜走般。
藍天德眼見孩子日哭夜啼，一天天消瘦萎縮孱弱下去，急得四處奔走打聽尋覓發奶的秘方，千方百計，還是沒法引發奶水的泉源，祇好熬些米湯，來維持小生命的延續。如果家庭富裕，按理是該僱位奶媽到家裡來照應，倒不致愁上這些，偏偏他又降生在這日祈夜盼著兒子，卻又窮得幾乎無米下鍋的藍家。
好不容易，這孩子總算是一天天在藍家緩慢地成長起來了。
－ 1 －
二
打從有記憶，我在這個家，簡直就成了多餘的一個，媽總是冷眼相看，爸也忽冷忽熱的待我，我真惱恨上蒼為何要賦予我的記憶和意識。如沒記憶，一切過去便丟在腦後，那多輕鬆愉快。若沒意識，我便跟白癡一樣，哪不是更好？免得惹來這些煩惱、鬱悶。依理爸媽這把年紀，才生下我這﹁寶貝﹂兒子，是該成為藍家的寵兒，但事實卻又是這般違背常理。
﹁這孩子生下後，不知跟我們添上了多少麻煩！媽剛起床，睡眼惺忪的便抱怨嘀咕絮絮叨叨著沒個兒完。
﹁那可不是。﹂爸在被窩裏輾了個身子也隨聲附和。
﹁這孩子將後會不會成器？﹂媽為我耽心得眉毛糾纏絞成了一小撮。
﹁那可要看他的造化了。﹂爸轉首偷偷地向我眄睨了一眼。
﹁孩子瘦成這把骨頭。﹂媽扭轉身子，眼光向我掃了好幾趟，也許她已看出我這佯睡尷尬的醜態：﹁我看他拿啥子去跟別人競爭囉？﹂
﹁唉！﹂爸爸也喟嘆著：﹁生定就是苦命兒。﹂
我真想不透，爸媽明知生下我，會跟他們增加不少麻煩，為何又要生我？我委實不忍心再讓爸媽替我擔心下去，唯有盡我最大努力，使自己成器，瘦弱並不能限制去跟別人競爭，其實在長途越野的比賽場上，從沒見過大腹便便跑在先頭的。人生下來不吃苦，哪能成為人上人？爸媽這席話，並不能削減、磨鈍我的銳志；相反地，愈加增濃了我的信心、毅力、和勇氣，將後我務必要拿鐵嶄嶄的事實來表現給爸媽看，也好讓他倆老掀開臉上憧憧層層的鬱雲。
時間的灌溉，使我的思維一天天地成熟，學校的生活也促使我瞭解了許多，同學們坦誠不含糊的議論，可又令我自卑得對一切失去了信心。
﹁你看藍重儀連拿筆都掌不穩。﹂
﹁兩隻手捧管筆，就好像在啃甘蔗。﹂
﹁他那副瘦排骨的樣兒，簡直就是判官請大夫─病鬼啦！﹂
﹁真可憐，像他這樣還來讀啥子書嘛？﹂
﹁要是我才不來讀書吶！﹂
﹁簡直是活受罪。」
﹁像他這樣，書讀下去又有啥子用咧？﹂
﹁看他怎能跟得上咱們？﹂
﹁我真耽心他會留級。﹂
﹁可不是。﹂
﹁除非老師網開一面，對他特別關照，打些同情分數給他。要不然，他就好比是武大郎服毒─死路一條，留級了。﹂
﹁………﹂
經同學們毫不留情面的透視鏡這麼一照，深感更跟不上大夥兒了。但為了考驗自己的能耐，同時又有一股不服輸的意識在激勵著我，要盡一切努力地去迎頭
－ 2 －
趕上，而來證實同學們這番議論是無稽之談。
一個人的理想抱負，真要一點一滴地去實現，的確是件談何容易的事兒，起初我彷彿深陷到了渾渾沌沌求知的深淵裏頭，什麼事兒也摸不著頭緒，踩不到邊際，再怎麼鑽研也探不到底兒。幾度我好似成了一艘擱了淺的孤舟，在礁灘上撞擊、難捱，但我強忍著期待生機的來臨，曾有一時我孤寂、焦慮、失望得信心幾被消蝕殆盡，可是同學們一副副蔑視、譏諷的嘴臉，又重映在我眼簾前激勵我，不管怎樣，就是萬重難關擋卡在前頭，也要設法把它衝破、撞爛，竭力來開創出全屬我自己的綺麗遠景。
課堂上不懂的，既然我也敢舉拳站起來發問，想不到同學們鷹似凜然的眼神，卻是那般的睨睖著我，當我問畢，全室又轟起了一陣嘩然的訕笑：
﹁啞子終於開口啦！﹂
﹁真是奇蹟。﹂
﹁我還以為他真的搭著牌樓賣肉─好大的架子吶！﹂
﹁哈哈……嘻嘻……﹂
﹁這樣簡單的問題還值得一問？﹂
﹁真不開口，我們一直認為他是鐵拐李的葫蘆─神秘兮兮的咧。﹂
﹁簡直幼稚到極點。﹂
﹁他真像沒頭的蒼蠅─瞎撞一通。﹂
﹁這樣對著香爐打噴嚏─自己倒吃了一臉的灰啦！﹂
經同學們這陣戲謔，內心頗感不平，人也窘迫得木納說不出話來，就這樣，的確已壓抑住了我好一陣子想發問的勇氣，但不發問，課程無法全部瞭解的呀！多日來已積盈起了滿腦子的疑難，悶在心底委實不是滋味。甭管同學們的指摘啦！彷彿有一股火辣辣的熱流，薰烤得我站了起來發問，同學們又是那樣目光炯炯的逼人，不久教室內此起彼落的響起一遍蒼涼、詑異的攻訐：
﹁他簡直沒有在讀書嘛！﹂
﹁硬要學豬八戒夾草紙─假裝唸書的。﹂
﹁真是沒話找話問。﹂
﹁耽擱我們的寶貴時間。﹂
﹁要出風頭，也要找個時辰呀！﹂
﹁甭這樣屎蝌蜋戴花─臭美啦！﹂
﹁可不是。﹂
﹁真格的抱著屁股要乖乖─不知香臭。﹂
﹁………﹂
如不是老師嚴厲喝阻，不知他們到底要嘮叨、議論到何時了。
雖然同學們祇是這寥寥數語，卻句句都深深錐鐫在我心板上頭難能忘懷，經他們這麼一次惡意的嘲弄，又是好些時日我被愧恧得不敢再在課堂上發問了。祇好私底下去請教老師，老師們都是那般熱心，不厭其煩地教導指點我。但我總不
－ 3 －
能這樣自私，佔有老師們太多的休閒時間呀！在沒有辦法中的辦法，祇好盡量運用字典來解答疑難問題了。有段時日，一有空，我便抱起字典窮翻苦研，一部部厚厚的字典就這樣而成了我的良師益友，但字典並不是萬能的呀！還有許多疑難沒法解答。在這一念之間，我豁然領悟到了一個千真萬確的真理─求學問並沒什麼可恥的，所謂學問學問，也就是即要學，又要問，才能求到真正的學問。由於
這真理的支持，我可大膽地又在課堂上頻頻哆嗦著嘴發問起來了，同學們再怎麼譏諷、蔑視，我祇當作是耳邊風，隨之我的課業問題，都一一迎刃而解了，沉壓壓的腦子，也彷彿輕鬆飄忽得如雲雀般，自由自在翱翔在這晴朗的雲霄中逍遙享樂了。
來到學校，依常理是可以冰釋我的孤寂鬱悶的。但由於同學們這般另眼看待，甚至歧視，反把我驅趕到別人認為最狹窄的天地裏頭。我已下來決心，要在這區區的領域中，開拓遼闊的大天地，並要創造一個不平凡的我。
擺在我眼面前最大的一重障礙，就是上蒼給予我這俱不靈光的軀體，要做甚麼，都不是那樣順當。其實最為折騰我，使我侷促不安的，也就是四肢關節了，我的身子彷彿就是一臺沒上潤滑油的機器滯澀得難能轉動。起先誰見到我都認定我是個廢人，就連生育我的母親也沒例外過；但上蒼卻給了我一顆閃爍明耀向上奮發的心，愈發鼓滿了我那綺麗夢幻的希望孤帆，勇往急馳地向明日爍爛的前程邁進。
不管怎樣，我一定要振作精神，鼓足勇氣，相信上蒼決不會給人絕路的。古諺說得好：﹁船到橋頭自然直。﹂我要走一步烙一腳印，並要穩穩當當，結結實實地活下去，要真正做到殘而不廢，將後好去服千萬人之務，以期不枉費來到這大千世界一趟。
我曾暗自思忖過，像我這塊料子，除了腦子已琢磨得較為靈光些外，其他各部能否起作用，那都是未知數，如今我唯有盡全力來發掘腦海裏的寶藏，好把自個兒裝飾得讓別人看得順眼些，所以在課堂上的各種課業一絲也不曾放鬆過，就是課外知識，也盡量設法去獵取，慢慢地，我的知識領域已是愈開愈廣，愈拓愈闊了。

三
到目前為止，最使我耽心煩腦的，也祇有渾身澀滯的關節，我要盡一切所能，恢復我的機能，跌倒了再爬起來，更要利用一切所能幫助我的萬物。起先，我頗想把我這俱好比從鑄工廠裏翻沙起來的劣等品質，左磨右琢而把它琢磨得滾滑溜光，這祇有靠反覆不斷的磨練了，每每運動到汗流浹背，人就輕巧得要騰飛般，幾乎什麼事兒都能隨心所欲並可一蹴而至了。於是我曾大膽地甩開了拐杖，讓兩管腿子跟常人一樣踽踽步行起來，總是踉蹌好一陣子，一拐一幌，十分蹣跚難撐的，終於還是摔了個倒栽蔥。凡經跌倒一次，便增添了我一層經驗，更加深了我對綺麗遠景的信心。我不願在憐憫的縫隙裏求生存，要在遼闊宏偉的大地懷抱
－ 4 －
中，紮紮實實地活下去。
幾年來，我ㄔ亍在這渺無人跡影魑怪魅，嚎寒的深夜裏，噙著涓涓熱淚，淌著涔涔涼汗苦練、硬撐，度過漫長的悠悠歲月，歷經多少人間滄桑，已是稍有所獲，心池隨之蕩漾起一波波喜悅的粼粼漣漪，臉頰上更敞著一灘灘滿甜生蜜的笑容，同學們的語氣也不像以前那樣小眼看人了：
﹁藍重儀現在走路己不怎瘸了。﹂
﹁是要平穩多囉！﹂
﹁他硬是有兩手。﹂
﹁功課棒，耐性好，修養又到家。﹂
﹁平常他總是那樣秀才看易經─一本正經的。﹂
﹁現在他的確是狗咬鴨子─呱呱叫咧！﹂
﹁他可真像落水狗上岸─抖起來了。﹂
﹁你們再也不能打門縫裏瞧人─把人看扁哪！﹂
﹁可不是，我們是該向他學習。﹂
﹁怎追趕得上？﹂
﹁瞧你們就是這般沒出息，祇會學武大郎跳舞─抱人家的大腿。﹂
﹁怎可這樣狗眼看人低？﹂
﹁是呀！還不好好檢討下自己。﹂
﹁以前我們是太貪玩，不學無術的。﹂
﹁你還記得龜兔賽跑的故事？﹂
﹁怎不記得？他呀！就好比是那不眠不休的烏龜了。﹂
﹁甭這樣罵人啦！﹂
﹁我是說真心話，誰要我們去學哪狡猾的玉兔？﹂
﹁經你們這麼一炫耀誇張，他可真是土地爺放屁─神氣了。﹂
﹁相信他可沒那種想法。﹂
﹁………﹂
功課的進步，並不完全是由於同學們的慫恿、沖激、鼓勵，主要還是學校每位老師對我太多的關懷和諄諄的教誨。
﹁成功是屬於努力者。﹂
﹁凡事持之於恆，定可邁向康莊大道。﹂
﹁勤奮才有事業，苦學才有前途。﹂
﹁要以優異的成績，來彌補身體的缺陷。﹂
﹁重儀，要苦讀、奮撐、勝利在向你呼喚，成功在向你招手。」
﹁………﹂

四
不知是要好心的驅使，抑是同學們妒嫉有意對我冷漠，自後我不得不在人群
－ 5 －
之外，坎坷崎嶇的旅程上獨自摸索、探討、巇嶮、跋涉。我真巴不得能做個山棲谷飲，孑然一身的隱士，寧願忍受那孤衾寒帎的寂寞，專心一意來充實自己發奮圖強。於是我祇顧讀書，疏遠了同學、朋友，在不知不覺中，卻把自己孤立起來了，甚至把父母小弟也視為陌生人。
雖然在人緣上是吃了個大敗仗，可是在學業上卻遙遙領先，在我內心是感到分外的欣慰，但在旁人看來，卻認定我這人沉寂得簡直變成了木乃伊了。
其實他們並沒體會到，我已與課業交成了良友，跟書本子結下了不解之緣，我要竭盡心力去探討書本子裏的奧秘、深義。在學業上，從沒有什麼難題能為難我。相反地，我更嚼嚐到書中的甘味無窮，同時我更樂意去接受任何考試的考驗，每當宣佈考試結果，我的成績總是置在最先頭。我是樂了，樂在心底，喜也在心頭，在家人面前，我從來也沒法子把喜悅漾露在臉龐上頭，因我在家中是有苦說不出的地位。誰要我生長在這個家庭裏？偏偏我又是長得像同學們議論般的那樣醜怪。
﹁你看，藍重儀的手指怎被刀切了似的，一個也沒留下來。﹂
﹁真是虧他還能爭得那麼好的成績。﹂
﹁他的兩管腿子，竟連腳底板都斬掉了似的，走起路來活像踩高蹺的那般一搖一幌。﹂
﹁唉！真是怪可憐的。﹂
﹁上蒼造人委實是太不公平，他的四肢不全已是夠悲的了，就是連他的五官，也沒有滴
點令人看得舒坦的。﹂
﹁唉！可不是，一雙豆豉眼，兩粒烏眼珠子始終盯在鼻樑邊，嘴巴也不知被什麼邪風把它扯歪了，就是剩下一管長得比較挺直的鼻子，兩顆孔眼偏偏又朝天裝，真正上蒼有意在捉弄這苦命兒，把一切醜陋都安裝在他一個人身上。﹂
我的長相邋遢、窩囊，醜怪得不討人喜歡，這也是沒法子的事兒，我祇好認命了。從也不敢跟鏡子去打照面，這樣多少也可以減少些許不必要的煩惱，但家人卻是我的一面明鏡，父親不敢太明顯的示愛，母親好似把我當為眼中釘，弟弟又顰眉撅嘴的在母親面前顯耀他的健美，討好她老人家。
﹁媽：看我臂力有多大！肌肉長得多棒！﹂小弟兩手各擎起一重磅啞鈴，特意鼓勁使出渾身死肉。
﹁兒呀！當你長大後，會不會養活娘？﹂從媽幽怨懇求的眼神中，已流露出她老人家壓抑多時的滿懷委屈。
﹁怎不會呢？﹂
﹁那就好了。﹂媽臉驟然矜持地泛起一泓酸苦的笑痕：﹁娘老了也就甭愁啦！乖兒子，菜廚裏還留了碗張媽剛送來的綠豆湯，快去端來吃吧！﹂
對於吃，我是從不曾計較過。打從有記憶起，每當菜飯上桌，我就沒有興致去攏近餐桌過，總是由爸爸把飯送到我手中，碗底裏時常埋些好菜，父親對我的
－ 6 －
愛心，往往令我感動得暗自啜淚。雖然我四肢殘缺，五官不揚，但我的心靈卻生得特別敏銳，分得出善惡好歹。
記得有一次，父親剛把一碗飯遞到我手上，媽像抓小偷似的，忙用筷子在我碗底掀出了兩塊五花肉，便沒止境地叨罵：
﹁好哇！﹂媽雙眉緊蹙把臉一寒，唾沫便橫飛起來：﹁你這個老賊，原來一些好菜都給
你這殘手廢腳的寶貝兒子吃光了，弄得我的么兒都沒得吃，將後我看你去讓他養活你一輩子吧！﹂
爸可被講得有些悵然得瞠目結舌：
﹁他……他也是我們的兒……兒子呀！﹂父親仁慈的眼神悄悄地愀然向我梭瞄了眼。
﹁是你的兒子。﹂媽倏然抬頭瞪睖住父親，並扯高了嗓門：﹁哪為什麼不把你的肉割給他吃？﹂
﹁怎可這樣講？﹂爸的心情顯得有些急噪：﹁真是無理取鬧！﹂
﹁難道我講錯了不成，傷了你的心肝寶貝兒子。﹂媽一手掐腰，一手指點爸的前額，撅起嘴，擺出一把茶壺狀：﹁今兒你不把﹃無理取鬧﹄這四個字解釋清楚，我就跟你沒個完。﹂
媽那股跋扈勁兒，可搗得整棟房子烏煙瘴氣僵然得令人窒息。爸為了忍讓，男不跟女鬥，便背著手溜到大叔家去避風聲去。從此，爸再也不敢在我碗底裏藏菜了。我有何話可說，祇好認命，時常拿俗語：﹃魚生火，肉生痰，白菜豆腐保平安。﹄來自慰。所以每餐，我都能強忍捱到飢腸轆轆，等到家人全下桌後，再撿拾些殘羹剩飯，來維持我這殘缺生命的延續。
母親這番作為，委實使我傷心，要是別人，我早已恨她入骨了，誰教我是她的兒子？世上祇有不是的兒女，哪會有不是的父母？我祇有盡全力來孝敬她老人家，那管是抽吸取我沸騰的血液，剝刮下我護身的皮肉來伺俸她老人家，我都會心甘情願的，祇要她老人家稱心、喜悅、如意，真要我肝膽塗地，我也會傾全力來盡我一份孝心的。
誰見到我，都會擔心我將後的生活問題，就是連我自己何嘗又不為將後生活耽憂？不管怎樣？我還是要繼續活下去，因為爸爸暗地裏給我太多深厚的愛心，鼓起了我再生的勇氣。我不但要活下去，而且還要結結實實，不同凡響的活下去。
如上蒼不吝嗇，能賦予我跟常人一樣的體能的話，我定要盡我最大的心力，來報答父親對我的體恤、照顧；酬謝母親生育我之恩情，並來證明娘老人家的這席話是片面之詞。倘若不能如願，我的心靈會永遠得不到安寧。我要奮鬥，我要竭盡全力來奮鬥，衝破重重難關，深信光明絢爛的遠景就在明天。

五
每當校運大會，我祇有眼巴巴看的份兒。不能跑跳，但到場邊去觀摹同學們
－ 7 －
的競技，倒也是件叫人心曠神怡的樂事；沒想到，就有同學愛這樣冷峻地誆人挑釁，使我內心委實忐忑不寧：
﹁臭怪瘸子又來了。﹂
﹁他還來看個啥子勁嘛？﹂
﹁真是歪嘴媳婦照鏡子─當面出醜。﹂
﹁簡直是自討沒趣。﹂
﹁難道他還想插上一腳不成？﹂
﹁他呀！祇是做夢娶媳婦─想得到蠻好。﹂
﹁我看他祇是像老和尚看嫁粧─下輩子再說吧！﹂
﹁想修下輩子，也得趁早多燒幾柱好香呀！﹂
﹁說不定黃鼠狼下耗子─一代不如一代。﹂
﹁哪不是比現在更﹃殘﹄啦？﹂
﹁哈哈………﹂
這樣尿泡打人不痛─可氣死人，委實激得我忿忿不平，星火四冒。的確冷粥冷飯好吃，冷言冷語難受。我真恨自己耳朵為什麼生得這樣靈敏？憑心而論，他們聲音也是夠小的了。﹁算了吧！何必跟他們去計較？忍得一時之氣，可免百日之憂，深信真理自在人間，我這無言的對待，不也是代替了我有力的抗議？﹂
果然後排立著的幾位高個兒，可聽不入耳，挺身譴責遏阻那群紈衶子弟的狂行：
﹁嘴上留些德吧！別這樣瞎子算命─胡說一通。﹂
﹁君子坦蕩蕩，有話當面講，怎可這樣冷言冷語窩囊人？﹂
﹁你們可要知道，話多不甜，膠多不黏囉！﹂
﹁不說話難道說會變啞子不成？﹂
﹁你們祇會有嘴說別人，沒嘴說自己﹂
﹁甭這樣跋扈梟張猖狂欺侮老實人啦！﹂
前排的同學可被逗火了，站起來像群瘋牛般地怒吼：
﹁喲！別仗勢你們個兒高。硬是想找碴兒？﹂
﹁今兒你們真巴功的屁股頭上掛鑰匙─所管的是哪一門子事咧？﹂
﹁嘴長在我們頭上，難道你們還想跟我們貼上通封條不成？﹂
﹁貼封條！呸！沒那麼簡單！那你們就等著看洋車上馬路─沒轍啦！﹂
隨即兩夥人便打起嘴仗來了：
﹁我看你們真是群老壽星上吊─活得不耐煩了。﹂
﹁我才看你們是群死鴨子─嘴硬吶！﹂
﹁今天我們就待在這兒冷眼觀螃蟹─看你們橫行到幾時？﹂
﹁真是自不量力，癱蛤蟆打哈欠─好大的口氣。﹂
﹁看樣子，你們獨定要一隻筷子吃蓮藕─挑眼啦！﹂
﹁真他媽的武大郎練把子─王八架子。﹂
－ 8 －
﹁你罵人？你竟敢在老虎頭上拍蒼蠅─不想活了。﹂
﹁啐！﹂前排那夥裏頭衝出一個長得蠻結實的矮個兒，吐了口唾液，兇狠蠻悍的臉兒可彆得像茄子，呲牙咧嘴，從他牙縫裏迸出了些咆哮的訐語：﹁放亮你們的狗眼，我們可不是好惹的。真你娘的九個汽碾子壞了一個─八個壓路。﹂
看樣子這場戰火是昇起來了，果真不出預料，後排幾位大個兒，再也捺不住性子，個個都悻悻然像陣落山風般往前撲了個正著，誰也不問青紅皂白，拳頭便像雨點般落在對方的頭上身上了，中間還滲雍些詆毀的穢語。霎時兩夥人，就這樣張飛打岳飛─打得滿場飛了。圍觀的群眾簇擁而上，已把跑道擠得水泄不通，正在舉行的徑賽，不得不暫停了下來。不一會，這夥人的臉龐、嘴角上都掛起紅彩來了。轉瞬便被訓導人員摳扭到辦公室去處理了。
這樁禍，是因我而起，這檔子事，確似反貼門神─左右為難，頗使我尷尬了。在長廊上，我躊躇彷徨了良久，終於還是鼓足了勇氣進到了訓導處，向主任請罪，對同學們道歉。
﹁報告主任，這件事是由我而起，祇怪我自己的像兒沒長好，讓他們來議論，其實同學隨意談談也是無妨的，所以我懇求主任不要責怪他們，要處分就罰我好了，因事端是由我而起的。﹂
﹁這怎能怪你？﹂主任輕拍我的肩膀，轉眼掃了每位同學一圈：﹁你們聽吧！還好意思來諷刺別人？﹂
﹁是呀！罵人也不能揭短啦！常言道：﹃良言一句三冬暖，惡語傷人六月寒﹄他們只會待在家裏如龍，出到外頭卻又似蟲─關上大門兇。﹂高個同學可理直氣壯：﹁我們委實聽不入耳，才糾正他們的。﹂
﹁糾正怎可動武？﹂主任默了默神，甩出一本學生手冊：﹁你們自己去翻翻看，該受何處分。﹂
同學們個個都傻愣愣的腑首緬腆無語了。
﹁主任，還是請處分我吧！他們是無辜的。﹂我再三懇求。
﹁藍重儀，沒你的事，請回吧！﹂
我無可奈何，祇好垂頭喪氣悒悒地拖著沉重的步履離開了辦公大樓。
翌日，佈告欄公佈了群毆事件有關人員的處分，我撫摸著涼冰冰的玻璃廚窗，反映出我那副神不守舍苦兮兮的樣兒，內心愈發沁涼愧疚極了。
這場風波，不但沒有戳傷我的自尊心，可更激起了我運動的興致，頗想在運動場上能顯露下身手，也好讓那些歧視我的同學能對我刮目相看。但我應選擇那項運動較適合？練三鐵？我雖然在每晚伏地挺伸的苦練中，是熬出了幾斤蠻力，可是生就一雙拳頭手，如何抓得牢鉛球、鐵餅、標槍？勁賽？我這樣三步一踉蹌，不笑掉別人的大門牙，哪才怪吶？球類運動？更是無從練起，若真的奇跡般，練出了些眉目，誰又願跟我搭擋？想來想去，遠眺著浩瀚洶湧的汪洋大海，祈求找覓個答案，終於，海給我提出了個新穎的啟示，要我投入它開闊溫柔的懷抱。我啊！便鼓足了勇氣、毅力，在海中前翻後滾，我呀！已變成了海中一朵綺麗活
－ 9－
躍的浪花，猝然，我便這樣接受到海的洗禮，嚐到了人間的酸、甜、苦、鹹……的滋味。從此，我便抱定只要工夫深鐵杵也能磨成繡花針的哲理，而興趣盎然邂逅地戀上汪洋大海了。
是我就讀高中時期，最後的一次校運會，將要來臨了，如不報名，再也沒有機會了。在榮譽和不服氣的雙重意念驅使下，我毅然決然的報名參加了游泳比賽。
當我踏上水池邊，四週掀起如雷的掌聲，在跟我助陣加油，一聲槍響，我便彈出如劍矢般的身子往水面上躥鏢，隨即揮開雙拳，圈攏兩腿猛一夾，我卻好似魚雷般在水面上追蹤獵取肥碩的目標，我反覆使勁操演，也不管誰在先在後，咬緊牙根，便到達了終點，想不到我竟然奪到了冠軍，掌聲又如雷般響個不休，激動得我的淚水簌簌滑落，霎時，我可羞澀得躲進到水中，當我復露出濕漉漉的頭來，掌聲又再度響徹了雲霄，直待我進到更衣室，掌聲方徐徐收斂。
同學們是太可愛、太可敬了，想不到，在團體生活中，能獲得如此濃厚的關懷、溫馨。真後悔，過去我為啥要哪般孤立自己？錯度了大好時光。自後，我要加入大夥兒的生活行列，去散發和吮取更多的熱和光，而來共同締造開拓這溫暖人間。
賽畢，老師、同學們紛紛向我道賀。驀地，我又感動得泫然欲涕了。
當我滿懷愉悅的心情，跨進家門時，見媽便雀躍沾沾自喜突兀的稟告：
﹁媽：這是我在校運，蛙式游泳比賽獲第一，得來的獎品。﹂
﹁這東西有啥用？﹂媽斜睨了一眼：﹁又不能當飯吃。﹂
頓時，屋子裏驟然降下陣陣沈鬱憂寂的氣氛，委實令人窒悶得透不過氣來。
﹁是：：是不能當飯吃。﹂我的喉管，像是哽了一塊塊偌偌大的石頭，憋出破碎沈濁走岔的聲音回話。心兒頓感到恍惚茫然了，人已木納呆癡得手足不知所措，祇好扭身逕自進到臥室，關緊房門，捩熄電燈，緊抱銀盾頹然地噙著熱淚，當我暢懷地哭過了興頭，方把積鬱的悶氣傾吐出來。

六
經過十幾年的奮鬥苦讀，總算是完成了高中學業。弟弟在母親溺愛中，初中讀了四年，勉強把它混過去了。我在這個家庭裏，倒是得天獨厚，書是讀得最多的一個，若不是爸爸堅持，恐怕讀到小學，也就沒法再繼續升學了。記得當我讀完小學，媽就跟爸這樣開門見山的商議過：
﹁重儀這孩子書讀多了會有啥子出息？還不是等於搬菩薩洗澡─枉勞神。這樣下去，祇有白浪費金錢。﹂
﹁誰家錢，都不是生不帶來，死不帶去。﹂爸可情急得臂哩叭喇說出一番橫道理，﹃我們可不要學吝嗇鬼抱著元寶跳河─捨命不捨財。古諺說得好﹃留得青山在，那愁沒柴燒。﹄我倆為他父母，正因為他身體有缺陷，唯有當我倆還健在的時候，給他多讀些書，也好讓他多一份求生的本能呀！﹂
﹁求生、求生，我看你倒希望他長命百歲，將後好讓他跟你去養老送終。﹂
－ 10－
媽也講得柳眉倒豎。
﹁怎能這樣說？﹂
﹁難道我又講錯了不成？﹂
﹁不是這個意思，我是說，他到底是我們的親子骨肉，總不能讓他將後流落到街頭行乞呀！談起來，別人總會提到他是藍某人的後代。﹂
﹁說來說去，你還是吊死鬼擦粉─死要臉。﹂媽停歇了好一會，若有所思般：﹁這祇怪你，惹來的麻煩。他將後的費用，如你有能力，就去供他讀吧！你可甭在我跟重仁娘兒倆身上緊腰帶就行啦！﹂
﹁絕對不會的，放你一百二十個心。﹂
﹁不見得吧！我看你倒一心一意準是要在大河木排上捎書信─靠不住！﹂
爸媽這席話，使我對父親愈為崇敬得五體投地，爸的偉大，已在我的每根汗毛，每個細胞裏生了根、萌了芽、開了花，將要結成豐碩甜蜜的果了。
由於父親的偉大，並不致襯得我會對媽有所歧視，我深深感到，凡是一件事，總該有個正反兩面。我真感激有媽反的一面，才讓我覺察出爸正的這一方。否則，我將介乎含糊不清，模稜兩可之間。
媽對我這樣的看法，也是難怪的，凡事想投資，也該選擇可靠、找個重點。像我這樣既殘又廢的人，是不值得花錢培植，就是培植出來，也派不上多大用場，哪不是枉費心機？要是這樣，倒不如把弟弟培養出來，是要穩當妥貼多啦！可是弟弟卻又是這般不爭氣，書總是唸不進去，到如今連一所公立學堂也沒考上。我真巴不得，將我滿腦子的所知，能原原本本傾倒進弟弟肚裏去。
幾度我曾想懇求爸爸讓我輟學，但不讀書，我又能做些什麼？說不定爸更會為我愈加操心憂慮的，那將是娘求之不得的事兒，到時媽可更有藉口了。書讀到如今已是高不成、低不就的階段，假若不繼讀下去，哪會有出人頭地的機會？
重重難關度過後，接踵而來，舖在眼面前最大問題，也莫過於是升大學的難關了。我並不擔心聯考，也不耽憂能否考上哪一所學校？而最難能預料的，也就是媽是否會讓我去報名？因為大學費用，並不是像讀中學那樣容易打發過去的。
爸希望能讓我繼續升學，曾把弟弟的問題，一併拉出來跟媽商討：
﹁重儀，重仁兩孩子都已分別高、初中畢業了，我們就是吃了讀少了書的虧，我看還是讓孩子多接受些教育，也免得他兩人將後去受別人的氣呀！﹂
﹁你的意思，是要重儀升大學囉！﹂
﹁……﹂父親點頭示意。
﹁我可不同意，給他讀完高中，已是掏出了我們不少老本，如再要讓他一股勁兒的升大學，我看到時祇有拿你的老骨頭去典當吧！﹂
﹁在臺灣，祇要孩子能考上大學，誰家又不盡力設法子，把孩子送去讀？﹂
﹁他若是好端端的，就是要我去做傭人，替別人洗衣服，我也會心甘情願，把他盤出來的，可是他殘廢得連吃飯都要人來照顧，我看如讓他讀，就好比瞎子點燈─白費心機。包準他是讀不出個什麼名堂來的。﹂
－ 11－
﹁就是因為他殘廢，也應該讓他學些謀生的技能。如今他的書，不是唸得很好？記得學校老師、教官們，都分別來訪問過多次，誰都百般稱讚他了不起，希望家庭要多予鼓勵、幫助他上進。學校每學期不是也替他申請到了獎學金？我看，我們是他的親生父母，倒不如別人那樣對他關照體貼……。﹂
﹁好好好！你去關照，去體貼，誰也沒阻攔你，我倒要看看你的心肝寶貝殘廢兒子去養活你一輩子，去替你們藍家光宗耀祖吧！﹂
為了顧全整個家庭的安寧，爸祇好忍氣吞聲，也就沒再跟媽拌嘴下去。
爸衛護我，不知跟媽慪了多少氣。爸的仁慈、恩澤時縈於我懷，真叫我這個殘疾得無能盡番孝心的我，委實不忍再讓爸爸跟媽爭執下去了。有一天，我驀然跟爸爸談論到：
﹁爸爸，我不想再升學了。﹂
﹁哪為什麼？﹂爸的眼神可被我說得滯楞住了：﹁這樣不是太辜負了師長、鄰里們對你的鼓勵、期望？﹂
﹁別管這些。﹂我憨直地向爸斜睇了眼：﹁我到底還是個廢人呀！﹂
﹁世上殘而不廢，成大功，立大業的人多得是。﹂爸深怕我打消升學的意念。﹁相信困龍總有上天時，望兒還是要本著以往的精神去奮發向上，相信終久會如願以償達到理想的。﹂
﹁媽不會同意我升學的。﹂
﹁怎會？誰家父母不都是望子成龍？﹂
父親這樣袒護媽，愈加顯得他老人家的可親偉大，但我內心的惆悵、悒鬱卻無法抑壓，一時淚水愴然涔涔滾落，爸掏出了手帕替我拭淚，他老人家激動得嘴唇扯起一陣劇烈的痙攣，滿斛的淚珠，也像斷了線似的一粒粒、一串串滾落在我的額頭上、胸襟裏了。
驀地，爸把我挽擁進到他的懷裏，使我幾乎連氣都喘不過來。一會兒，我感到一股熱流，直往心中湧，我啊！就如進到了避風港那般的安逸、溫馨。
﹁孩子，別耽心。﹂爸爸的聲音哽咽得有些顫抖瘖啞：﹁爸媽會盡量設法完成你的學業，那管是行乞借貸，也要促成你的願望。﹂
﹁爸！不！﹂我心一酸，眼淚便愴然樸簌簌潮湧般滾落滿臉了。
爸把我摟得更緊，空氣顯得這般僵然，陣陣暖流，直往我心坎深處輸入。啊！親愛、仁慈、偉大的爸爸，你已導引我踏上到了另一個綺麗、絢爛、舒坦、恬靜、溫煦的綠洲了。

七
想不到，在媽溺愛中長大的命根子─重仁弟，因結交不良少年，闖上了殺身之禍，送進了醫院，到如今還不省人事吶。媽受到這猝然的打擊，真是焦急得死去活來，血壓高漲得已起不了床。爸可煩急得到處覓醫，找偏方替媽治病。真是屋漏偏遭連夜雨，行船又遇迎頭風，我沉甸甸的心靈，可因這個家的厄運，更粉
－ 12－
刷上了層層悵惘、悽愴，這下子，書準是甭想再讀下去了。
的確，讀慣了書的人，一旦沒書唸，會感到分外的不如意。我總感到，讀書甚至比吃飯還重要，雖然不吃飯，可以使人的身體瘦弱、死亡。但不求學問，卻會使我的精神枯萎、泯滅。精神的遠颺，要比人體軀殼的壽命，是要長上千百萬倍，所以我在往常，是特別注重精神力的培植道理也就在此了。
今天是大學聯招報名截止日，絕望中，想不到爸卻偷偷地塞了一疊鈔票到我手上，並悄悄地說：
﹁孩子，快去報名吧！祇剩今天啦！﹂
﹁不！﹂我連搖擺著頭，卻又矛盾的接過鈔票呆楞了半晌：﹁我要在這照顧媽。﹂
﹁你娘由我來照應，孩子，你放心去吧！﹂
﹁媽媽和弟弟病還沒痊癒，將後學費怎麼辦？﹂
﹁別管這些，爸自有辦法。﹂
名雖然是報了，但見到這個即將癱瘓的家，怎叫我定得下心來溫習功課？如不是平時打好了底子，我又怎能如願以償的考上這所理想的學校？
媽跟弟弟的病況稍有起色，我從不敢把考取大學的消息告訴媽，怕的是爸瞞著媽讓我去報考，而惹來她老人家不必要的煩惱，爸可因我能考上大學，眉開眼笑得像尊彌勒佛了。
﹁這就好了，藍家以後祇有看你的了，將後那管是傾家蕩產，我也要設法完成你的學業，孩子，以後更要發奮地把書唸好。﹂
﹁爸，我會的。﹂
爸成天在醫院照拂纏綿病榻上的弟弟，我在家跬步不離的照顧瘦骨嶙峋臥床的媽媽，我真駭怕我這笨手笨腳的人兒，無法侍奉得很妥貼倒惹她老人家生氣，於是我盡我所有心力，無微不至地悉心設法博取母親的稱心、愉快。
當我剛替媽盡了一番孝心，正嚐到些許天倫之樂時，李媽那長舌婦，可狗捉耗子─多管閒事的，陡然談論起一樁令我難能置信的事實：
﹁重儀這孩子真了不起，我們這個村子，也祇有他一個人考上了大學。﹂
﹁那可不是。﹂
﹁說起來，這孩子可真命大。﹂
﹁怎麼啦！﹂
﹁記得他出生的那一天，還是我替他接生的。當他呱呱墜地，他那天殺的娘，見他缺手殘腳的，也不分青紅皂白，便禿子打傘─無法無天的，使勁勒緊他的脖子，說是什麼妖精投胎，一時沒勒死，又索性把他浸到馬桶裏，幸好孩子的爸，也不知是什麼鬼使神差，在這當兒闖了進來，才把這孩子救了起來。﹂
﹁哪有這樣沒天良的娘？真是黃鼠狼向雞拜年─沒安好心眼。﹂
﹁就是現在他那吃了熊心狼肺的娘，還不是時常跟他找岔兒。﹂
﹁她這樣做，真似豬八戒啃蹄兒─自殘骨肉。平日他娘待人不是挺熱和？尤
－ 13－
其對她那寶貝么兒，不是蠻關懷、體貼的？﹂
﹁她呀！祇不過是晚娘叫心肝─嘴甜心狠。要知咬人狗是不露齒的。所以她的么兒，就應了﹃嬌兒不孝，嬌狗上灶。﹄這段話了。﹂
﹁經你這麼一說，她可算是道道地地的唱戲哭娘─虛情假意了。真是畫虎畫皮難畫骨，知人知面不知心啦！﹂
﹁可不是？﹂
﹁虧他還要替他娘忙這做那的。﹂
﹁可真是家貧知孝子，世亂識忠臣。這樣他娘可大饅頭堵嘴─沒話可說了吧！﹂
﹁但他娘還不是那樣蛇吞象─心不足的，對他仍舊是挑三搗四嘟噥個不停咧。﹂
﹁那可憐的孩子，總是那樣癩蛤蟆墊桌腳─死撐活挨的任她娘攏佈。﹂
﹁的確是打掉了門牙往肚子裏咽─忍痛在心底。﹂
﹁要是我才不服侍她那鐵石心腸的娘吶！哼！說不定我真會給她好看的。」
﹁唉！胳膊怎能擰得過大腿？﹂
﹁不見得吧！﹂
我真不相信，媽會這股殘忍。古諺說得好：﹃兒不嫌母醜，狗不嫌家貧。﹄我何嘗也不是這樣對待母親？但經他們講得這樣栩栩如生，我對娘多少是起了些許懷疑，怪不得媽還時常刁難我，阻止我的上進，把我當為眼中釘、出氣筒……。
霎時，鬼迷心竅，心一橫，我便拿起老鼠藥朝娘的藥罐裡撒，轉身把藥捧進娘房裡讓媽喝。
藥水滾燙燙在那兒涼，我見媽再也說不出一句話扭身似如一匹受驚的猛獸往外闖，越過馬路，闖進到田野，見到田野禾浪浩瀚，心胸驀地開朗，使我從懵懂中甦醒恢復了人性，我怎能做出這樣昧良心，喪天害理的事？尤其被害人正是生育我的母親，將後不遭天打雷殛才怪呢？於是我馬不停蹄踉踉蹌蹌地奔回到家，見媽雙手正捧起藥水要往嘴裡喝，我便三步併作兩步，一不小心，踩到正在睡懶覺的貓兒尾巴﹁沒妙！﹂的尖叫，驚得我雙腿癱軟，便連人帶身撲在媽手持的碗裡，把藥水全打翻在地上，我卻好似一個洩了氣的皮球，跪在媽跟前疾哭求饒：
﹁媽：是我錯了。﹂無限錯綜的痛苦嚙咬著我的心靈，這時，我真祈望媽能站起來，狠狠地給我兩巴掌，也好讓我乘隙洩掉滿懷的鬱悶、癡想、邪念、罪孽了。
﹁孩子，你沒有錯。﹂想不到媽卻這般破例的容忍。
﹁但我把湯藥打掉了，還有……﹂我牽腸掛肚的沒法把我這時矛盾、悽寒的心情，流露表明出來，我正好比是一個身負重罪的囚犯，在這兒是多麼急需法官能有快刀斬亂麻的果斷，給我明朗公正的宣判處決。
﹁不，孩子，這不能怪你，祇怪那隻死貓。﹂
﹁媽，我錯了，你為什麼不責怪我吶！我好……好……﹂
－ 14－
﹁孩子，你從來就沒錯過，你永遠也不會有錯的，媽可信得過你，說來說去，還是娘大錯特錯，而錯待了你啦！﹂媽那孱弱的身子，反把我扶攙起來，順手便緊緊摟我在她那溫暖忐忑的懷抱裏了。
這是我日祈夜盼，渴望已久，自我懂事以來，第一次享受到母親如此體恤、慈愛。我的兩眶熱淚，激盪得如破閘的激流，往外流、流、流：：沾濕了母親的衣衫，更流到媽媽的心窩裏頭，弄得她老人家，也幡然歉咎得涕淚交流再三懺悔：
﹁孩子，都怪娘錯看了你，讓你受盡了委屈，以後娘要加倍的疼你，你可更要發奮讀書。﹂娘掏出手絹，拭淨我們娘兒倆的淚痕，便若有所發現般驚愕地問道：﹁哎呀！聯考日期過去了吧？﹂
﹁過去了。﹂
﹁你沒有報考？﹂
﹁我已考上了。﹂
﹁哪所學校？﹂
﹁Ａ大。﹂
﹁那太好了，真是謝天謝地。﹂媽鬆開我，雙手合十字，臉上霎時綻開了一朵朵罕有燦然親切的笑容：﹁孩子，你儘管去讀吧！媽就是出去做娘姨，也要想法子完成你的學業。﹂
﹁謝謝媽。﹂
﹁上次運動會得來的銀盾，你快去把它擦拭乾淨，擺到客廳茶几上去。﹂
﹁是！﹂
﹁還有你在學校得到的那些獎狀，也把它張貼出來，讓媽好好地來分享你這份榮耀。﹂
﹁是，媽。﹂母親這席話，委實是沁人心脾，我又不自主地蝸進到母親懷裏，媽媽一綹散髮低垂掩蓋在我的臉龐上，我們娘兒倆，好似久別重逢，面面相覷得愈發喜極得泣成一團了。
窗外朵朵流雲悠遊飄拂，載來了我們母子的陣陣摯愛、縷縷溫馨；流水潺潺地淌流，漂走了我們母子間的片片隱情，瓣瓣深恨。剎那間，我感到份外傾心瀝膽的輕鬆愉快，我呀！已成為一個暴發戶那般的富裕。不知母親心情是否亦有如此的感受。倘若不是那樣，我當會心甘情願，採摘下這份喜悅，呈獻給我偉大的母親分享。
淚像雨，在滿開懷的傾盆、傾盆地落著，淹沒了多少心頭恨，卻又滋潤活了人間許許多多的愛苗啊！

八
一輪旭日，自蒼翠巍峨的山巔冉冉昇起，灑脫地網撒出光和熱，給大地萬物帶來了活力和生機。
樹，一棵畢直的樹，在風雨中茁壯起來了，挺拔屹立在那曠野裏婆娑起舞。
－ 15 －
藍重儀在這七彩絢麗閃爍的寰宇中，像棵得到風的斧正，受過雨的沐浴而欣欣向榮的大樹，穩穩當當、結結實實，聳然矗立在這大地上，正為人們豎起了，一尊奮發向上、光明碩大、活生生的里程碑。

　　附記：徵文初、複選均入圍；決選出局，可惜；
　　　　　承蒙 朱西寧評審垂愛推荐發表，謝謝；
　　　　　作者不願意割愛致延後至今發表，抱歉！


－ 16－

Stand
Zhang Hang
One
A round of the setting sun is colorful to reflect and have the firmament, the earth smilingly.
Good news, wonderful news, a huge good news, dropped to your home of the morality of blue sky at last, because he got married more than ten years ago, the soul led all day long
The dream is entangled, towards is it look forward to sunset to think, hope seat can give birth to one man and half women very much, in order to is it fire this post burning incense to meet for blue house, has delayed bitterly these years, at long last
Making one's wish fulfilled, the seat has already added a little able-bodied man for him very much. His coke has the ancient type of banner hoisted on a featherdecked mast of heart charmingly, is covered with smiles. Go to the gate to set off in a hurry
Fireworks, neighbours is it come congratulations one after another rashly too to hear the news.
' congratulations, congratulations! '
' congratulations on having a baby born to get rich. '
' oh! Boy's round drum one, look like his father. '
' see this little spirit, very have still clutching the small fist two times of its thing fully. '
' the older generation's son must be the location warrior. '
' by the look of that pair of such such big ears of his, can neglect out this boy, after whether good fortune make infinite. '
' that is not. '
' silk gauze! You look, his bound foot, has pinched the small fist two times like small hand too. '
' how give birth to such a son? '
' '
Congratulating one and everybodying trying to get a word in making a noise and rolling, sister-in-law Lan's coke has mere Lian of tears gaudily, embrace the firm child and does not allow congratulating guests and is close closely, is afraid deeply
－ 17－
Her love son will be seized by others.
' the beautiful sweet-smelling sister-in-law, doing the confinement should not shed tears! Will injure vitality like this. '
'! Treasure one's own body. '
' '
Blue madam assumes a serious expression and frowns, a face is indifferent, in a twinkling, the hot tears of two socket of the eye split and tick the tower, if the flood of the broken floodgate overflowed.
The Heaven seems to intend to tease Germany of blue sky, the son grows, milk on it is very much seat, the getting more unusual rather as ordinary person, can dry up the universe
Push out of a drop of water. The child cries extremely worryingly all day long, pinch fist not small tightly with those four pieceses he, wrap up he mother all
Firmly, is it intimidate like gold fist silver leg of son will be stolen for ruffians to fear.
See children cry for the morbid night crying of babies on day with eyes of Germany of blue sky, is it wither to become thin day by day to go down feebly, so anxious as to go hither and thither and ask about and seek and take place milk
Plaster, by every possible means, it is unable to cause the fountainhead of the milk, have to boil some thin rice gruel, to maintain the continuity of the little life. If
The family is rich, normally should hire a wet nurse to come to family to correlate, it is unlikely to worry these, just he was born and pray at night this day again
Look forward to the son, the blue family that but too poor to almost have rice that cooked.
With great difficulty, this child has grown up slowly at the blue home day by day at long last.
Two
Since having memory, I am in this family, one which become surplus, mother always gives the cold shoulder, the father is cold one minute and hot next too
Treat by I,I really it resent Heaven of why want last memory and consciousness of me. If has not remembered, everything was forgotten completely in the past, that
Much relaxation is happy. If there is no consciousness, I am the same as the idiot, where is not it better? Worried, gloomy so as not to cause these. In accordance with paying attention to
Parents the age, give birth to I this ' treasure ' son just, will become blue pet of house, but but the fact is violated like this
Chang Li.
' a lot of trouble on child this after giving birth to, is it bring with us to I wonder!
－ 18－
Mother get up just, have a drowsy look complaint talk in whispers the wadding
Favored with size of having longwindedly.
' that is not. ' the father has passed through many hands or places in the quilt a body has echoed other people's views thoughtlessly too.
' will this child grow up to be a useful person? ' the mother worries about me so that the eyebrow has been pestered and entangled into a handful of.
' must think good fortune of him then. ' the father transfers to one to my Mian Ni stealthily.
' the child becomes this handful of bones thinly. ' the mother turns back the body, the eyes have been swept several times to me, perhaps she has already found out I pretend to sleep in this
Awkward hideous feature: ' I think he take what son is it compete with others Luo to go? '
' well! ' father sighs with deep feeling too: ' grow exactly cruel fate definitely. '
I do not really think of completely, parents know perfectly well that give birth to me, will increase much trouble with them, why give birth to me again? I can't bear really
The heart lets parents worry about me again, only try my biggest efforts best, make oneself grow up to be a useful person, thin and weak can not exercise restraint in competing with others
Fight for, have in fact never seen that it is here ahead to too run belliedly on the arena with off-road long distance. Will come down in life and does not bear hardships, how can
Become people and have people? This mat of parents, can not cut down, rub blunt my firm determination; On the contrary, increase thick my confidence further,
Willpower, and courage, after I must want not taking iron it if behaving, show parents, let them not raised face the moving to and fro always too coming
Moving to and fro strongly fragrant cloud of each.
The irrigation of time, make my thinking ripe day by day, the life of the school impels me to understand much more too, the classmates are smooth
Sincere unambiguous words, can make me afford to feel oneself inferior.
' you think the blue heavy appearance is even slapped to take pens unstably. '
' two are held in hands and is in charge of pens, seem to be gnawing the sugarcane. '
' the kind of that thin sparerib, is that the judge in Hades invites the doctor - the disease spirit! '
' pitiful very, still come what philosophical works does it read as he does? '
－ 19 －
' if I do not come to study! '
' have a hell of a life. '
' like him, book is it is it have what son spend to go down to read? '
' see how he gets caught up in us? '
' I really worry about him and will stay down. '
' no. '
' unless the teacher gives lenient treatment, especially takes care of him, type the mark of some sympathy to him. Otherwise, it is military and old that he is for example
The my darling takes poison - Die, has stayed down. '
' '
Perspectivity mirror that does not spare sb's feelings at all take so by classmate, feel deeply that can not catch up with everybody. But in order to test one's own one
The ability, a whiff of consciousness of refusing to take defeat lying down is encouraging me at the same time, will catch up forthwith doing everything possible, it proves same and come
This words is a baseless gossip to study.
One's ideal aspiration, really realize little by little, it is really a thing that it's not at all that easy, originally Buddhism that I walk back and forth
Have got deeply stuck in to it inside the muddy muddy ignorant ignorant abyss that sought knowledge, can not make head or tail any things, can't step on the margin, study intensively too even more
Do not finally visit. Several degrees of I are like a stranded fatherless boat, strikes, difficult to delay on the reef and beach, but I am bearing the expectation strongly
Arrival of the life, have I lonely anxious, so disappointed that several confidence is it lose totally to disappear for the moment once, but the classmates a each despise
, the look ridiculed, reflect and encourage me before my eye again, in any case, even if ten thousand difficulty is it is it in front, should it set up to take too to block to block again
France breaks through, knocks into it rottenly, it belongs to my own beautiful distant view completely to do one's utmost to hold creating.
Classroom understand, since I is it put up fist is it ask to stand up, unexpected classmate the hawk is like the stern expression in one's eyes to dare too, but that
Ni I like, whether after asking as me, the whole room rumble blow ridiculing in an uproar for a moment.
' dummy opening finally! '
' genuiness is a miracle. '
' I still thought he was really putting up the decorated archway and selling the
－ 20 －
meat - well big shelf! '
' heartily Hi Hi '
' is the simple problem like this still worth asking? '
' opening really, we think he abduct calabash of Li - mysteriously of iron. '
' the naivety reaches the limit. '
' he is really like having no fly of the head - knock into blindly once. '
' facing toward incence burner sneeze - oneself is it take one dust of face to go bankrupt like this! '
This burst is bantered by the classmates, heart quite feels not smooth, people are so poverty-stricken that the wood is received and can not take words out of the mouth too, in this way, have really already been constrained
The courage that I want to ask in long time has lived, but does not ask, course is unable to all understand! Many had already accumulated and full of all over brain in the last few days
Difficulty of son, bored to feel bad really in the bottom of heart. Don't be in charge of the nitpicking of the classmates! Walk back and forth Buddha have one burning thermal current, smoke and bake
Need me to stand up and ask, whom classmate have eyes with a piercing gleam like that pressing, classroom this case whom he fall sound one desolate soon
Whether, a different one expose one's past misdeeds.
' he is not studying! '
' study pig 8 exhortation insert the toilet paper obstinately - pretend to study. '
' do not really there is not that look for to ask. '
' our valuable time of delay. '
' will cut a smart figure, should look for for a division of day and night too! '
' don't dung Ke is it spend to wear - getting smug like this! '
' no. '
' have in arms buttocks well-behaved while being real - know fragrant and bad smell. '
' '
If not drunk and hindered sternly by the teacher, I wonder when they have wanted to chatter, discuss to on earth.
Though the classmates are only this in a nutshell, but every sentence is it it engraves to be difficult to can forget, pass they such first on I heart board to bore deeply
Hostile one once is mocked, is that I must not dare to ask in the classroom again by ashamed Zhyuan in quite a lot of time. Have to go to ask a teacher privately,
－ 21 －
The teachers are all enthusiastic just like that, teach and instruct me tirelessly. But I can't always be so selfish, occupy teachers too many stopping
Idle time! The method in having no idea, have to try one's best to use the dictionary to answer the knotty problem. There is Duan ShiRi, free
,I take the dictionary in one's arms and look through grinding poorly bitterly, a thick dictionary of department so becomes my good teacher and helpful friend, but the dictionary is not ten thousand
Can! A lot of difficulties are unable to answer. While reading in this one, I comprehend a absolutely true truth suddenly - ask
The knowledge is nothing shameful, the so-called knowledge knowledge, that is to study promptly, and also ask, could ask to the real knowledge. Because
Support of this truth, I can tremble again and again in the classroom boldly the mouth has asked, the classmates ridicule, despise even more
,It is the unheeded advice that I only regard as, my lessons question thereupon, it is easily solved one by one, sink and press the brain pressed, Buddha is relaxed that walk back and forth too
Move swiftly like sky lark, soar and indulge in material comfort carefreely in this sunny the skies freely.
Come to the school, mine is lonely and gloomy that can disappear in accordance with the convention. But because classmate another eyes treat so, even discriminate against
,Drive me and make dash for others and think inside the narrowest world instead. Resolution that I have already come down, should be in this trivial field, it is distant to open up
Large world wide, is it create first I who am unusual to want.
Wave a heavy one value obstacle most in front of I eyes, it is Heaven that offer I this all skilled body, what should be done, not just
So smooth. It is got I down, make me nervous, that is to say the four limbs joint, Buddhism is one if my body walks back and forth
Have machine of lubricating oil more difficultly to can rotate unsmooth. Who sees me asserting I am a disabled person at first, even bear my mother
Have not made an exception; But Heaven give one of me is it shine heart that rouse oneself upwards tomorrow to glimmer, drum full I beautiful dreamlike hope orphan that more and more
Sail is brave worried to afford to speed.
In any case, I must cheer up, muster the courage, it is believed that the Heaven will never give somebody the dead end. The old saw speaks well:
－ 22 －
' you will cross the bridge when you get to it. ' I want to take one steps and bake a footprint, will act as steadily and reliably, will live on durably, really do
It is disabled but useful to get, will go to obey the affairs of ten million people, is in the hope of not wasting the boundless universe of coming once.
Ponder I secretly,like I the material,except that ponder over brain already comparatively halo a bit, other departments could get up and do
Use, that is an unknown number, nowadays I only take every care to explore the treasure into the brain, in order to let others see oneself
A bit pleasing to the more eye, so the silk of various kinds of lessons one in the classroom has been even never relaxed, even if knowledge, try one's best to try to pursue after class,
Slowly, my knowledge field has opened already the wider, has opened up the wider.

Three
Up till now, make me worry about and tired of the brain most, only all over astringent and stagnat joint too, I want to try everything's best, resumed me
Function, falling climbs up, should utilize all houses of everything that can help me even more. At first, I quite want to can be compared to all this of mine from casting
Turn over the quality of inferior quality that the sand stands up in the factory, left rub right chisel but afford to ponder over it, this temper by repeated a constant one only
,Move to and stream with sweat each time, like people light and handy to must soar, what thing can follow one's bent and can kick and go to nearly
. Then I have thrown the walking stick away boldly, have let two tubes of hired thugs stand up on foot alone as ordinary person, always stagger in long time,
Abduct a heavy curtain, it is difficult to prop up to walk haltingly very much, threw one headlong at last. All fallen once, add experience of a layer of mine
,Deeper my confidence to the beautiful distant view. Being unwilling to seek survival in the chink that is taken pity on, I should hold in the arms on the vast and grand earth
China, lives on solidly.
In the past few years, I Chu has no shadow Chi of human footmarks to blame the evil spirit vaguely in this, howls in cold night, hold the trickling sluggishly hot tears, Zhyuan Zhyuan's cool sweat drops down
Practice hard, hold on firmly despite extreme adversity, pain, etc., see through long long years, how many vicissitudes of human world are gone through, has obtained one slightly
Wave and wave and happy clear ripples, opening the smile of the full sweet raw honey of one beach beach even more on the cheek, the classmates' tone is not as
－ 23 －
before either
The little people soon:
How lamely ' blue heavy appearance has walked ownly now! '
' take steady Luo more! '
' he actually has dual tactics. '
' the homework is excellent, patience is good, get home again in training. '
' he Xiucai think book of changes - a in all seriousness one like that always usually. '
' he bite duck dog really - getting tiptop now! '
' he can really debark like the cur fallen into the water - make good. '
' you can play crack look at people - where people underestimate again! '
' no, we should learn from him. '
' how to catch up with to have? '
' look at you so good for nothing, can study heavy my darling military dance only - embrace the others' thigh. '
' how can like this damned snobbish? '
'! Do not examine oneself carefully. '
' we were too fond of play before, ignorant. '
' do you still remember the story of the race between tortoise and rabbit? '
' how remember? He! It is for example that tortoise not sleeping endlessly. '
' don't scold people like this! '
' I speak sincere words, who want us go where does it learn cunning the moon? '
' is it overstate to show off so by you, he land grandfather fart - spirited really. '
' believe he does not have that kind of idea. '
' '
Progress of the homework, not totally because the classmates instigate, wash defying, encouragement, is mainly still I correctly, each teacher of school
Too much care and teaching tirelessly.
' success is the efforts person. '
' Yu Heng whose everything opposed, should be able to march toward the broad and well-paved road. '
' just have undertakings diligently, it is just promising to study hard. '
' to remedy the defect of the body with the excellent achievement. '
' heavy appearance, study hard, exert oneself propping up, the victory is being called to you, success is waving at you. '
' '

－ 24 －
Four
Does not I wonder if that wants kind driving, it is that classmates envy intentionally cold and detached to mely to restrain, since I have outside the crowd, the frustration
The rugged journey is had and tried to find out, probed into, scaled and ford alone. I really look forward to doing a mountain and perching valleys are drunk, the friendless recluse
,Is it stand fatherless quilt cold loneliness that to prefer, one purpose attentively is it substantiate oneself is it pursue better to work energetically to come. Then I just think of reading, have drifted apart samely
Study, the friend, unconsciously, but one has stood up in isolation by oneself, even regard little younger brothers of parents as the stranger too.
Though has eaten a great lost battle on popularity, but hold a safe lead on the study, the one that particularly feel in my heart is gratified
,But in the view of other people, assert I am so quiet as to turn into a mummy.
In fact they have not realized, I have already handed in with the lessons into the beneficial friend, have forged the indissoluble bound with the books son, I want to exhaust the heart
Probe into the secret in the books son, deep justice in strength. At study, from have difficult problem can awkward I. On the contrary, I chew and taste even more
The sweet flavor of getting in the book is infinite, at the same time I am more willing to go to accept the test of any examination, whenever announce the examination result, my achievement is always
It is ahead here to put. I am happy, happy in the bottom of heart, liking it on mind too, in front of family, I had not had a way that has been permeated with the happiness
Reveal on the face, because I have bitter status that can not say at the home. Who wants me to grow in this family? Just I am long
Like must discuss as classmating ugly and strange so.
' you look, how the finger of the blue heavy appearance has been cut by the knife, one has not even stayed. '
' really lose the achievement that he still can fight for so well. '
' two tubes of hired thugs of his, even foot baseplate was cut, walked and shook a heavy curtain as that of walking on stilts alive unexpectedly. '
' well! It is really rather pitiful. '
' it is too unfair really that the Heaven makes people, his four limbs are not complete already been very sad, even if connect with his facial features, does not drip either
－ 25 －
Some makes people see it comfortably. '
' well! Right, a pair of fermented soya beans eyes, two dark eyeballs are stared at the bridge of the nose all the time, what evil wind does not the mouth know
It tears aslantly, has a tube of noses which look relatively straight and upright left, two punchholes are just put towards it, the real Heaven intends to be catching
Get cruel fate this, install in him alone all ugliness. '
My feature is slovenly, good-for-nothing, ugly and unpleasantly strange, this is a thing which does not have the way, I have to accept one's fate. From too
Do not dare to make showing up with the mirror, so can reduce some unnecessary vexation too more or less, but family are a Spiegel, Der of mine,
Too obvious love of showing that father does not dare, mother seem it treats me as to be thorn in one's side, younger brother it knits the brows that eyebrow pout one's lips to be apparent to shine he in front of mother
Callisthenics, please herself.
' mother: See how great my arm strength is! How excellent the muscle grows! ' little younger brother's dual tactics each hold up and value the scale dumbbell, is encouraged and used specially
The meat dies all over.
' child! After you grow up, will support the mother? ' have already reveal to herself and press from the expression in one's eyes that mother's hidden bitterness is imploring
It is hurt and wronged to restrain the chest a long time.
' how meeting? '
' that will be better. ' mother's face floods a deep and bitter mark of smiling restrainedly suddenly: Don't worry either that ' mother is old! Obedient son,
Also leave the sweet mung bean soup that bowl Nanny Zhang just sent here in the dish kitchen, go to bring in eating quickly! '
For eating, I have never cared. Hit it since there is memorying, the desk on the vegetable rice, I have no interest to comb and near the dining table
Cross, is always sent the meal to my hands by father, bury bowl inside story often because it have the good some dish of, father's love to me, make me unable to move
Sip the tears secretly. Though I have incomplete four limbs, the facial features are not raised, but my soul is grown very sharply, can tell good and evil anyhow.
Is it have one to remember, father is it get one meal I on hand, mother is it pay special attention to thieves to look like to pass just, busy with lifting out at the bottom of my bowl with the chopsticks
Two pieces of streaky pork, are favored with and scolded there is not a ending:
－ 26 －
' in order to! ' mother pairs of eyebrow knit handfuls of cold face closely, the saliva flies sideways: ' your old thief, some good dishes were all given originally
This incomplete treasure son whose hand abolish the foot of yours has eaten up, it make mine it eat again the children, after I think there aren't you
! '
The father can be talked a bit upsetly so much as to stare dumb-founded:
' he He is our child too Son! ' father's kind so sorrowful-looking as to take aim eyes to my shuttleless loom silently of expression in one's eyes.
' you son. ' the mother looks up to stare at father rightly swiftly, tear the high voice: ' every why does not cut your meat to give
Does he eat? '
' how can such talk? ' the father mood seems a bit urgent and makes an uproar: ' really make trouble wilfully! '
' I say fault to be good, injure sweetheart treasure son of you. ' the mother nips the waist all alone, show the father forehead all alone, stick up
The mouth arises, show the form of a teapot: ' today " make trouble wilfully " four word these explain clearly, I one End with you " you.
'
That whiff of domineering strength of mother, it is so stiff and right as to make people suffocate to smash the chaotic state in which corrupt practices prevail of the house whole. The father is for being forbearing and conciliatory, the man does not fight with the daughter
,Slip away to uncle's home to go to avoid the rumour with hands clasped behind back. From then on, the father would never dare to hide dishes in the inside story of my bowl. I can be spoken while having any words,
Have to accept one's fate, often take the folk adage: "The fish light the fire, the raw phlegm of meat, the Chinese cabbage bean curd is protected safely. " Come from consoling. So every meal, my capital
Can bear strongly and put it off till hungrily, after family put the desk completely, pick up some more leftovers, to maintain the continuity of this incomplete life of mine
.
This conduct of mother, make me sad really, if others, I hate she to the marrow, who teach I son of her already? Generation
On there is children when it is,where parents not have just? I only take every care to show filial respect for herself, then is in charge of smoking and drawing me and boiling
The blood suddenly, shell and shave and put the skin and flesh that I protected oneself
－ 27 －
to watch her elder person of pays, I will be perfectly willing, so long as she herself is gratified,
Happiness, as one wishes, take I liver and gall with ground really, I can incline with all strength is it try I a filial devotion best to coming too.
Someone sees me, problem concerning life that will worry about me, how can just connect with myself and not indulge in anxiety in order to live? Leave alone
How about it? I want to continue living on, because father gives me too much deep love secretly, has hove my recycled courage.
I will not only live on, and still want it fast, the extraordinary or quite outstanding one lives on.
If Heaven stingy, can give me what of physical stamina as ordinary person, I want to try my heaviest mental and physical efforts best definitely, to repay father
Show solicitude for to me, treatment; Thank mother with a gift bear loving-kindness of me, is it prove mat this, mother of one-sided word to come. If
Can't achieve one's goal, my soul can not get the peacefulness forever. I want to struggle, I should try one's best to struggle, break through numerous difficulties,
Deeply convinced the distant view with splendid light will be just tomorrow.

Five
Whenever the school transports the conference, I have only a share that see. Can't run and jump, but show up to watch the classmates' sports, fall
It is a pleasure which make us completely relaxed and happy too; I had never expected, there are classmates that like so deceiving people to provoke gravely and sternly, make my heart perturbed really
Not peaceful:
' blame the lame person to come discreditedly again. '
' what sub strength piece of does he still come to see? '
' aslant mouth wife look in the mirror - make a scene face to face really. '
' bring contempt upon oneself. '
' does he think and insert a kick even? '
' he! Just dream and marry the wife - Expect it is quite good. '
' I think he just sees dowries like the old Buddhist monk - talk next lifetime! '
' is it repair next lifetime to want, must cook more several well fragrant post as early as possible too! '
' maybe the yellow weasel lays mice - a generation is not so good as a generation. '
' where it is the " incomplete " since it is not as as now? '
－ 28 －
' heartily '
In this way the urine steeps and hits the person and does not ache - Annoying extremely people, defy so that my anger anger is indignant really, the fourth spark rises. The cold meal of really cold gruel is delicious,
Remark ironically and feel a pain. Why do I really hate one's own ears to grow so sensitively? But the theory according to the heart, their voice is very small.
' calculate! Why go to care with them? The air born for the moment, can avoid the anxiety of one hundred days, is deeply convinced the truth is in human world, there is not this of mine
The treating of the speech is that have replaced my strong protest? '
Several tall persons standing in the back row as expected, whether audible and pleasant, is it is it is it hinder the fine silk fabrics sons and younger brothers overbearing and competent to check to condemn to come out boldly.
' leave some morality in the mouth! Don't be like this the blind person tell one's fortune - Talk nonsense once. '
' the gentleman swings broad and levelly, have say how can remark ironically good-for-nothing people like this? face to face '
' you must know, too much talk is unpleasant, how the glue does not stick Luo! '
' remain silent and could it be said that will turn into the dummy? '
' you only have mouths to say others, there is not mouth that talk about oneself '
' don't domineering owl piece furious to bully the honest people so! '
Classmates in the front row can be amused the fire, stand up and howl as one herd of crazy oxen:
' oh! Your size of don't take the advantage of one's power ing is high. Actually want to find fault? '
' today you real Palestine buttocks of work head hang key - which one sub thing does it manage? '
' the mouth grows on our head, do you also want to stick the open paper strip seal with us? '
' stick the paper strip seal! Pah! It is not so simple! Then you are waiting to see the road on the rickshaw - Can find no way out! '
Make the oral fight do as namely two bands of persons please:
' I think you hang oneself groups of Chinese Methuselah really - impatiently. '
' it is one herd of dead ducks - stubborn and reluctant that I see you! '
' we wait here cold to observe crab - see you walk crosswise what time does it reach today? '
' overestimate one's strength really, paralysed frog yawn - heavy tone well. '
－ 29 －
' seem, you want a piece of chopsticks to take the lotus root definitely alone - fastidious! '
' real his mother's my darling Wu Da practises the handle - cuckold's shelf. '
' do you scold people? You have the audacity to strike flies on tiger's head - Do not want to live. '
' spit! ' that band of inside of front row goes out of a short person who is quite strong, tell truth by saliva,faces on not the fierce fierce and petulant but
Must look like eggplants, grimace and grin, burst out some roaring Jie languages from his slit between the teeth: ' the dog eyes which put you bright, we are not
Easy to cause. One out of order for nine vapour rollers of real your mother's - Eight press the way. '
It seems that this flames of war rises, does not appear and expects, the great size of several location of back row, press down temper again, everyone
Attack one forward like the angry right wind as burst set, everyone is without forethought, the fist lands on the other side's head as raindrop
Go to on one's body, the middle ooze harmony some dirty language of slander also. Two bands of persons in a twinkling, in this way Zhang Fei (god of butchers) hits Yue Fei - fly in the whole field. Enclose
The masses watching it cluster round but go to, has already made the runway jam-packed, the track event held, have to delay coming down. For a moment
,All hang the red color at this band of people's face, corner of the mouth. Personnel are dug and sprained to the office to deal with to instruct and guide in a twinkle.
This misfortune, get up because of I, this group of things, really like sticking to door god instead - in a dilemma, quite makes me awkward. On the long corridor
,I hesitated without knowing which way to go for a good while, mustered the courage to enter to the teaching and guiding office at last, apologize to the director, apologize to the classmates.
' report to a director, get up through I in this, it is good to only blame my own one not as long as the child, let them discuss, in fact classmates
Having a talk at will there's no harm in tooes, so I implore the director not to blame them, it is finished fining to me that punish, because the disturbance is by me
The one that get up. '
' how does this blame you? ' the director pats my shoulder, sweep each classmate and one circle in an instant: ' please hear! Still have the face
To satirize others? '
'! Scolding people can't rake up others' faults either! As the saying goes: " good speech one warm in winter, evil language it hurts one's feeling to be cold in June "
－ 30 －
they can only "
Stay at home like dragon, is it get but outside like worm to produce - turn off gate to be fierce. ' tall person's classmates are very bold and assured: ' we do not hear really
Pleasant, just corrected to them. '
' how can correction use force? ' director's silent spirit, throw out a student's manual: ' you yourself go to leaf through, what should be received
Punishment. '
The student, the silly and distracted and distracted internal organs have no language first remotely and sumptuously.
' director, please punish me! They are innocent. ' I implore repeatedly.
' blue heavy appearance, there is no your thing, please go back! '
I have no way out, have to tow the heavy stride and leave the office block crestfallenly and sadly and sadly.
Next day, the notice board has been announced group beats up punishment about personnel of the incident, I stroke and catch a cold the glass show window of the ice, reflect me
The bitter kind that that pair has ants in one's pants, heart is more and more ice-cold to feel ashamed and regretful very much.
This disturbance, not only has not jabed the self-esteem of injuring me, can evoke the interest of my movement even more, it can be apparent to quite think of on the stadium
Reveal the skill, so that those classmates who discriminate against me can regard me with special esteem too. But should I choose that sport and is relatively suitable for? Practise three irons
? What though I stretch very much bending over every night is how much rough strength is boiled out when practice hard, but born with a pair of fists hand, how catch firmly
The shot, discus, javelin? Does strength have a match? Three point one steps stagger such as me, does not smile the big others' front tooth, where is strange? Ball game
? Have no way of practising especially, if true miraculously, have practised some prospects of a solution, who wishes again that my partnership follows? Think it over, look far into the distance vastly
The turbulent boundless ocean, earnestly hope that looks for and looks for an answer, at last, had proposed a novel enlightenment for me in the sea, shall I put into it and widen warmly
Gentle arms. I! Muster the courage, willpower, roll after tur