Aust Winner 澳洲长风论坛

[海外逸士]

賞花歸去馬如飛,去馬如飛酒力微.酒力微醒時已暮, 醒時已暮賞花歸.

Rondeau-like Poem
by Qin Guan of Song Dynasty

Return after watching flowers, the horse galloping;
The horse galloping, wine drinking slight.
Wine drinking slight awake as it is late;
Awake as it is late, return after watching flowers.


迴文詩要譯成相應的迴文詩形式還真不容易﹐但如不譯成迴文詩形式就毫無意義了。這是新嘗試。

其中“酒力微”譯得尚不滿意。待改。

[howard2005]

【转贴】http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_49e219250100c2co.html

圆周回文诗一首英译

赏花

苏轼

踏花归去马蹄飞，
去马蹄飞酒力微。
酒力微醒时已暮，
醒时已暮踏花归。

Going Home Treading on Fallen Flowers Fine

Word by Su Shi，Tr. by Tie Bing

Treading on fallen flowers fine my flying horse was homing,
On my flying horse homing I was kind of drunk with wine.
I got kind of sobered from wine when it was gloaming,
Sobered at gloaming, we went home treading on fallen flowers fine.

附：华兄译文及铁冰点评

译文一：Enjoying Flowers

I tread on flowers and return with horse's hooves in flight,
With horse's hooves in flight, I feel a little drunk in the wine.
As I sober up from the wine, it has been already at twilight,
At twilight I tread on flowers and return with a mood so fine.

译文二：Enjoying Flowers

Treading on fallen flowers, my horse returns in flight,
On my horse in flight, I feel a little drunk in the wine.
When I sober from the wine, it is already at twilight,
I return on my horse on flowers with a mood so fine.

译文二较好，译文一点评如下。

第1行：“踏花”的应该是马，译文中变成了“我”亲自踏花。难怪岩子理解为“从英译文看，诗人去的时候，没有骑马”。如果是这样（其实原诗并没有提到“去”，只说到“归”，而从译文也读不出“去”），那么译文第一行就应该如此断句：I tread on flowers | and return with horse's hooves in flight，其意思就成了：我在落花上踩了踩，然后骑着马飞一般归去。另：中文可直接说“踏花”，但英文不能省掉fallen一词。

第2行：两个分句之间缺乏逻辑联系，且没点明“骑马”。如果是my horse，就会好得多。

第3行：twilight这个词应该慎用，因为它可以是“黄昏”，也可以是“黎明”。读者完全可以理解为作者通宵饮酒，然后在曙光初露的时候骑马回家。

第4行：没译出“骑马”（铁译用了we，就是指人和马），又成了“人直接踏花”。

[海外逸士]

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