Aust Winner 澳洲长风论坛

[苑眉]

亚热带落叶林

常绿且阔叶的亚热带树林
总在雨季里，有无边的落木
萧萧地下
萧萧地下

怎样的萧萧呵，竟将
深深掉落沟底的阳光
一点一点地，托举得
老高老高

一叶知秋的北国
那样的萧萧，总有
满目的孤凉与寂寥，蔓延在
青黄不接的广阔色彩

而唯有这亚热带落叶林
即使再萧萧，也
依然是满目的青翠——
常绿且阔的叶

=================

The Subtropical Deciduous Forest

By Yuanmei

The subtropical deciduous forest
Covered with broad and evergreen foliage,
During the rainy season, countless leaves
Always rustling and falling
Rustling and falling

Oh, how the leaves rustle in the wind,
Little by little, they
Lift the sunlight from the bottom of the ditches
Higher and higher

In the north, where autumn comes after a fallen leave
While so many leaves rustle and fall, the eyes will
Meet colours of green and yellow everywhere,
Which feel so lonely and sorrowful.

But only in the subtropical deciduous forest
No matter how many leaves rustle and fall
It still looks luxuriantly green everywhere –
The broad and evergreen foliage

苑眉作品

[苑眉]

这首诗翻译得有点痛苦呢。

很多疑问啊！

[非马]

苑眉好！几个小建议，提供参考：
(1)
During the rainy season, countless leaves
Always rustling and falling
Rustling and falling

(2)
Lift the sunlight from the bottom of the ditches

drain 是人工造成的管道，而非自然形成的。

(3)
第三节
While so many leaves rustle and fall down, the eyes will

down字也可省去。

又，every where 是一个字 everywhere

末句solitary也许不如 lonely 好。

(4)
luxuriant green应为 luxuriantly green

[苑眉]

要改的还真不少啊。

非马老师提出的一些问题也正是我在翻译过程中碰到的呢！
就是那个 down 该不该要，还有该用 solitary 还是 lonely 的问题啊！
老师真神了！

谢谢非马老师的耐心修改和解释！
深鞠一躬！

[苑眉]

原来 drain 和 ditch 还有那样的区别。

学习！
这辈子都不会忘记了！

再次感谢非马老师！