Aust Winner 澳洲长风论坛

[苑眉]

小白蝶

外面，
刚刚下完一场大雨；
纱窗不关，
任泥草的芳香
在空气里
四处流窜。

一只小小的白蝴蝶，
忽闪忽闪着
一双小小的白翅膀，
飞进了我的小卧房。

嘿！莽撞的小家伙，
肯定很开心吧！
来！栖在我的案上，
与我的瓶花一起，
相伴！

小小的白蝴蝶，
忽闪忽闪着
她那小小的白翅膀，
绕着我的瓶花转啊转，
始终不肯停下。

她说——

哼！如果我也立着，
肯定比你的花儿还漂亮！

然后，她就
忽闪忽闪着
她那小小的白翅膀——
扑到了我的窗玻璃上！

哈！


A little White Butterfly
Wr./Tr. by Yuanmei

Outside, the rain stops;
I open the windows,
To let the fragrance
Of earth and grass in
And float around.

Flapping her wings,
A little white butterfly
Flies into my little bedroom.

Hey, little fellow!
So happy you look!
Come and relax on my desk,
Befriend the flowers in my vase!

Flapping her wings,
The little white butterfly
Dances up and down
Around my flowers,
And will not stop.

She says --

Hem! More beautiful I will look,
If I, too, stand still as your flowers do!

And then,
Flapping her wings,
She throws herself
Onto the window-pane!

Ha!

[非马]

苑眉好!匆匆给你改动了几个地方,不一定正确,给你做个参考而已.


A little White Butterfly
Wr./Tr. by Yuanmei

Outside, the rain stops.
I open the windows,
to let the fragrance
Of earth and grass in.

Flapping her wings,
A little white butterfly
Flies into my little bedroom.

Hey, little fellow!
You look so happy!
Come and relax on my desk,
Befriend the flowers in my vase!

Flapping her wings,
The little white butterfly
Will not stop dancing up and down
Around the flowers in my vase.

She seems to say --

Hem! More beautiful I will look,
If I, too, stand still as your flowers do!

And then,
Flapping her wings,
She throws herself
Onto the window-pane!

Ha!

[苑眉]

非马老师好勤快！

原本也想用“she”来指“小白蝶”的，以为中文里用的“it”，所以就有那么翻译了。
现在，就按非马老师的修改，用“she”；中文也跟着改成“她”！
这点改的不错！

其他地方，先复制下来，慢慢看！

真的非常感谢非马老师！鞠躬！

[苑眉]

With flaps of wings, —— 改成 Flapping her wings, 确实好得多！

还有好几处地方改过后读起来顺多啦！再谢！

[苑眉]

第一节不太满意呢，因为有些意思丢了。

可是，我也不知道怎么表达好了？

[戴玨]

原文讀起來像大人對著小孩講故事。

[苑眉]

英文的确实缺少了原文的活泼轻快；功力不足啊！

[william zhou周道模]

学习了。谢谢了！

[苑眉]

[william zhou周道模]

我是自由的宠儿，我是时间的主人，我是文学的恋爱，我是英语的学徒。所以我会经常来学习的。