Aust Winner 澳洲长风论坛

[苑眉]

开着雏菊的春天

当园子里的雏菊黄起来时
到处开始流行
印有雏菊图案的长裙

踩着轻快的步伐
踏响一个季节的乐章
爱花的姑娘呵，三五成群
在花丛中徜徉成
一个一个美丽的女神

多情的小菊花啊，偷偷地
把姑娘们的脚踵轻吻
直到姑娘们轻笑着跳开
长长的裙摆刮过她们黄色的脸：
“嘿！羞不羞啊，你们！”

而她们却毫无顾忌地只是笑
笑得一颤一颤的——
颤出了一个涟漪般的
金黄色的春


The Spring in Full Daisies

By Yuanmei

When daisies in the garden bloom in yellow
The skirts printed with designs of daisies
Will be found in fashion everywhere

Taking light steps and
Playing a movement of a season
Oh, the flower-loving girls in threes and fours
Are wandering in the clusters of flowers
All are beautiful goddess

Oh, amorous daisies, secretly and gently
Kiss the girls on their heels
Until they giggle and jump away happily, and
Touch the daisies' yellow faces with their long skirts:
"Hey! Don't you have any sense of shame?"

While without any scruple the daisies
Are just laughing
Laughing so hard that they shake the spring
Into golden ripples

苑眉作品

[非马]

轻松愉快的诗。英文部分有几个地方也许可作些修改：
1。Oh, the girls loving flowers, in threes and fours --
Oh, the girls who love flowers, in threes and fours

2.As they are all beautiful goddess --
all are beautiful goddess

3."Hey! Aren't you feeling shy!" --
"Hey! Don't you have any sense of shame?"

4.
While without any scruple the daisies
Are just laughing, shivering --
And bringing a spring
Of golden ripples

While without any scruple the daisies
Are just laughing
laughing so hard that they shake the spring
into golden ripples

[苑眉]

谢谢非马老师的耐心修改！

2、4 点确实是翻译过程中遇到的问题呢！特别是第4点，还真不知道怎么表达好啊！

给老师鞠躬！再谢！

[非马]

不用客气。第一句也许还可改得更好些：

1。Oh, the girls loving flowers, in threes and fours --
Oh, the flower-loving girls in threes and fours

祝愉快

[苑眉]

嗯，前置定语更吻合原诗！

再次感谢非马老师！

[william zhou周道模]

you are so young, just like a little girl!