Aust Winner 澳洲长风论坛

[苑眉]

行在山林

厚厚的绿叶厚厚地遮着蓝天，
厚厚的落木厚厚地盖着大地；
我们行着，在密密的山林，
新鲜的空气厚厚地裹着新鲜的寂静。

想那护林的山神，好睡又好困，
正躺在哪一棵大树下打盹儿——
且枕着他那沉重的长弓和长箭！
而那厚厚的绿叶，
是他挂上的床幔；
而那厚厚的落木，
是他铺好的褥垫。

星星的野花星星地盛开在路边，
星星的牛羊星星地踯躅在谷底；
我们行着，轻松而快乐，
简单的山民将房子星星地建在山里。

想那护林的山神，爱美又勤快，
正在哪一个山谷里咚咚地砍柴——
且携着他那沉重的长弓和长箭！
而那星星的野花，
是他播种的春天；
而那星星的牛羊，
是他放牧的财产。

长长的青藤长长地向下吊悬，
长长的山路长长地向上蜿蜒；
我们爬上了山林的最高峰，终于看见，
无尽的广阔长长地向前延绵。

想那护林的山神，矫健又有力，
曾经无数次站在这山林的绝顶——
且背着他那沉重的长弓和长箭！
而那长长的青藤，
是他攀爬的软梯；
而那长长的山路，
是他巡山的脚印。

我们行着，在幽深的山林，
知道并且深信——
那护林的山神，一直
在与我们同行！



Walking in the Wooded Mountains

By Yuanmei

The sky is thickly blocked out by thick green foliage;
The earth is thickly covered with thick fallen leaves.
We are walking in the dense Wooded Mountains,
The fresh air densely enveloping the frech silence.

I guess, The Mountain Deity, who guards the woods,
Must be tired and sleepy, and now
Under which big tree he is lying, snoring gently --
And leaning his head against his heavy bow and arrows!
And the thick green foliage
Are the bed-curtains he hangs up;
And the thick fallen leaves
Are the bed-sheets he makes up.

Wild flowers are blooming here and there along our way;
Cattle and sheep are wandering here and there in the valley;
We walk on freely and happily.
The simple Hillmen build their houses here and there in the hills.

I guess, The Mountain Deity, who guards the woods,
Must love all beautiful things and work hard all day long;
Rat-a-tat, Rat-a-tat, and now
In which valley he is cutting firewood --
And taking along his heavy bow and arrows!
And the wild flowers
Are the spring he grows;
And the cattle and sheep
Are the property he is herding.

The long long green rattans hang straightly down in the air;
The long long path winds high up around the slope;
We reach the peak of the wooded mountains, and finally found,
The view of vastness boundlessly extends out of our sight.

I guess, The Mountain Deity, who guards the woods,
Must be strong and vigorous, and
How many times he has been standing here,
On the top of the wooded mountains --
And carrying along his heavy bow and arrows on the back!
And the long long green rattans
Are the rope ladders he uses while climbing up in the mountains;
And the long long path
Is the footprints he makes while looking around in the woods.

We are walking in the deep wooded mountains,
Knowing and believing that --
The Mountain Deity, who guards the woods,
Is traveling with us all the way!

苑眉作品

[苑眉]

自己糊弄的，第一次翻译诗歌
——不敢糊弄别人的，先拿自己的开刀了。

希望非马老师多多指导！谢谢了！
鞠躬！

[海外逸士]

一般我喜歡扣住中文來譯﹐這樣英文讀者才能知道原詩究竟是怎樣的。難度當然會高點。我給你譯幾句﹐你自己再試一下。

The sky is thickly blocked out by the thick green foliage;
The earth is thickly covered with thick green fallen leaves.
We are walking in the dense mountain forest,
The fresh air densely enveloping the frech silence.

僅供參考。

[苑眉]

恩，原本也是这么想的。
不过，有时不能逐句对上呢，那可烦恼了。

还有，诗歌所述原是个游记的，用过去时，应该也没问题吧？

再请教哈。给老师鞠躬！

[苑眉]

还有，第一句中的 foliage 和第二句中的 leaves 为什么要不一样的呢？

[海外逸士]

全用過去式沒問題。有點出入也沒問題。不能意思相差太大。
LEAVES和FOLIAGE意思基本相同。英文寫作中﹐用字儘量避免重複。
我是通過你這個連接進來的。在首頁上找不到英文欄目。

[苑眉]

我在进行修改，尽量按照诗歌原来的样子改改，等改好了，再贴上。
谢谢老师指点！

因为新增加的小版块多了，所以英文版往下推移了很多，要往下找，栏目前面有图片的 —— 前面有图片的栏目不多，不会很难发现。

[非马]

欢迎苑眉。头一次翻译诗歌就有这样的成绩，很可喜的了！至于时态，我觉得统统用现在式可能更生动些。

[苑眉]

[苑眉]

当时翻译“落木”时，原想的也是“fallen leaves”，但因为突然想到“落木”的颜色不都是“brown”的吗，正好可以和上一句的“绿叶”中的“green”对上吗，于是就翻译成“brown leaves”了。

好像有点自作聪明了呀！哈！
这些不良习惯，以后都要改过！

[苑眉]

大略作了些时态方面的修改。大修改等有心情也有时间的时候再修改了。

诗中的“山林”应属于并列式名词，根据实际场景，我个人还是坚持翻译成“the wooded mountains”比“the mountian forest”恰当些哦。