Aust Winner 澳洲长风论坛

[張航]

幽 默 小 品
張 航

改 良 種
張 航
唐生是校長么兒，身體比父兄高大魁梧多多，有天李生問唐生：「為何你的身體比你爸爸、哥哥高大這許多？」
唐生毫不加思索地回答：「改良種呀！」
畢業多年，同學們均娶妻生子，李生在公園遇見唐生問：「有幾個寶寶啦！」
唐生對太座豎起大拇指稱讚：「改良種嘛！」
李生追問：「為何是改良品種？」
唐生答道：「無子西瓜呀！」
逗得大夥兒啼笑皆非。
Improve kind
Zhang Hang
Tang Sheng is a headmaster child, whether how manily is body tall and big and big and tall than father and elder brothers, have it Li catch and ask Tang Sheng. ' why the healths of yous is it than in you for father, elder brother so much not tall and big? '
Tang Sheng answers writing brush without thinking: ' improve kind! '
Have graduated for many years, the classmates take a wife and give birth to the son, Li Sheng meets Tang to grow and ask in the park: ' have several babies! '
Tang Sheng is right very much the seat thumb up to praise: ' improve kind! '
Li Sheng questions: ' why improve the breed? '
Whether Tang born and answers. ' seedless watermelon! '
Amuse so that everybody is annoyed and sneered at the behaviours or things made.

－ 118 －


數字觀念
張 航
張大媽家貧，成天在家做活兒，鈔票滾滾而進。她一心一意想把兒子大牛送進學堂多讀點書，免得大了受苦。
大牛總算不負母親厚望，每科成績都能獲得一百分。
但張大媽仍感不滿意道：「為何每科成績衹能得到一百分？就不能再努力多考些分數？」
「媽：學則規定，最高祇有一百分呀！」
「規定得太沒道理了。難道做生意賺錢也衹賺到一百元便不幹活了嗎？」


Digital idea
Zhang Hang
Aunt Zhang's family is poor, working at home all day long, the bank note is billowed and entered. She is it send son old ox to school read more book, so as to not make heavy to suffer hardships to want wholeheartedly.
The big ox does not shoulder mother's great expectations finally, the achievement of every department can get 100 fen.
But aunt Zhang is still feel unsatisfied one: ' why subjects not every achievements can only get one? Can not make great efforts to do in the test some more marks again? '
' mother: Learn to stipulate, there is only 100 fen at most! '
' stipulate too unreasonably. ‧Do business and make money and will not work when only earning 100 yuan too? '






－ 119 －
中西文化比較
張 航
　　系上來了位外籍學生約翰說：「中國字書寫，從上而下，由右至左，
最易把手弄髒，太不好了。我們英文便沒這樣缺點。」
　　小明含笑回答：「中國文字這樣排列是太好了。」
　　「怎見得？」約翰甚懷疑。
　　「任何人閱讀我們中國書，無一不是頻頻點頭默認稱許；但讀英文，
人人都是在搖頭不敢領教。中國字有時也可以左右開弓的書寫，而英文則
不可。如~BT270;ＧＯＤ~I;上帝，反過來寫則成為~BT270;ＤＯＧ~I;狗，這樣不是太不尊敬上帝
嗎？
　　「對！」約翰不得不配服中國文化好。
Chinese and Western culture comparing
Zhang Hang
Tie a foreign student John and say: ' the Chinese wordbook is written, leave from going to, from right to left,
Exchange the handle most dingily, not too well. Our English does not have such shortcoming. '
Xiao Ming answers with a smile: ' it is very good that China's Chinese word is arranged like this. '
' how seem? ' John very suspects.
' anyone reads our Chinese book, there is not one not to nod acquiescence praise again and again; But read English,
It is being too bad to be accepted that everybody is shaking the head. The ones that can use first one hand and then the other in quick succession too sometimes in Chinese characters are written, but English one
Can't. Such as like BT270; G O D ~I; God, writes and becomes God BT270 conversely; D O G ~I; The dog, respects God very much like this ?
' correctly! The culture of the language is good in ' John has to match the clothes.


－ 120 －


換 季 服
張 航

春去夏來，值日教官在司令台宣佈：
　　「各位同學，自明天起，男生穿白短上衣，黃長褲；女生穿白短上衣
，不要穿褲子……」教官話未說完，同學們已哄堂大笑，待同學們靜下來
，教官繼說：「天氣漸熱了，女生自明天起不要穿褲子……」
　　台下又掀起滿場笑聲，教官在台上吆喝道：「有什麼好笑的，女生自
明天起，改穿黃短裙子，這樣比較涼爽。」　
　　同學們仍是笑浪掀天。
Change according to the season the clothes
Zhang Hang

Summer succeeds spring, the drillmaster on duty for the day announces in commandant's platform:
' every classmate, since tomorrow, boy students will wear the white jacket, yellow trousers; Girl students wear the white jacket
,Don't wear the trousers ' drillmaster's words have not been finished, the classmates have already roared with laughter, has waited for the classmates to become quiet
,The drillmaster continues and says: ' it is hotter and hotter, girl students don't wear the trousers since tomorrow '
Lift full laughs again under the platform, the drillmaster shouts in the way on the platform: ' nothing laughable,girl students since
From tomorrow, change to wear the something small and hard of yellow skirt, it is so relatively nice and cool. '
The classmates still smile at the wave and lift it.
－ 121 －

我考第一了
張 航

　　學期結束，小華接到成績單，好不容易考到第一名，回到家高高興興
向娘報告：「媽：這次我考到了第一名。」
　　「小華，怎祇考到第一名？」小華母親頗感訝異：「媽這些年苦撐貧
熬，還不是希望你能把書讀好，將後可出人頭地。想不到你太使我失望了
，為何不多考幾名？」
　　「媽：第一名就是最好啦！」
　　「鬼話連篇，甭再騙娘了！難道賺錢祇賺一塊錢就滿足了嗎？賺錢，
不是賺得愈多愈好？」
I have taken an exam of the first
Zhang Hang

Term finishes, Xiao Hua receives school report, do in the test to the first place with great difficulty, it is glad to come back home
Report to mother: ' mother: I do in the test to the first place this time. '
' Xiao Hua, how to only do in the test to the first place? ' Xiao Hua's mother quite feels surprised and different: ' the mother props up bitterly poorly these years
Endure, do not still hope you can read the book well, very outstanding. Unexpectedly you have made me disappointed very much
,How much person why do in the test more? '
' mother: The champion is best! '
' the lie pages and pages, don't deceive the mother again! Is it make one right away getting satisfied only to make money? Make money,
Do not earn the more the better? '
－ 122 －

系 菜
張 航

學校每月由各系輪流辦伙食，無論辦得好壞，均有人大作文章、張貼
海報：
　　雞蛋加雞蛋，等於數學系系菜（0+0=0）
　　紅蘿蔔加白蘿蔔，等於國文系系菜。
　　綠豆芽加黃豆芽，等於英語系加音樂系合辦的系菜。
　　青菜加洋蔥，等於化學系系菜（2H+0=H~S1;2~I;O）。
　　螃蟹加草蝦，等於工藝系系菜。
　　冬粉（動）加冬筍（動），等於物理系系菜（恆動）。
　　吳郭魚加炸彈魚，等於生物加衛教系系菜。
It is a dish
Zhang Hang

Schools are each done the mess in turn every month, no matter do well or not, someone makes a fuss, puts up
Poster:
Egg with egg, are equal to (0+0 dishes of department of mathematics =0)
The carrot adds the white turnip, is equal to Chinese department dish.
The mung bean sprouts add the soya bean bud, mean it is the dish that the English Department adds what the department of music operated jointly.
Chinese cabbage adds onions, is equal to the dish of department of chemistry (+0= H green vegetables S1 of 2H; 2~I; O).
The crab adds the grass shrimp, means the craft is a dish.
Powder in winter ( Move) Add the bamboo shoots ( Move) ,Equal to the dish of department of physics ( Move permanently) .
Fish Guo Wu add bomb fish, mean living beings is it is it teach the department dish to defend to add.
－ 123 －
話東畫西
張 航

　　大帥集合官兵訓話，說到一半，把話忘了，便喚：「副官，快到辦公
室去把我的話拿來。」
　　副官跑回辦公室取了大帥的古畫來現寶。
　　大帥氣得火星四冒跺腳：「這不是我的話，我的話在桌上。」
　　副官再跑回辦公室，東尋西覓，情急之下，祇好把桌上所有東西，和
盤搬上了台。
　　大帥啼笑皆非：「囉！我的話全記在桌曆上。」
　　逗得全體官兵哄堂大笑。

Talk about the east and draw the west
Zhang Hang
The commander in chief assembles officers and men and gives an admonitory talk, talk about half, have forgotten the words, call out: ' adjutant, get to handle official business quickly
The room goes to bring my words. '
The adjutant ran back treasure has come now in the old painting that the office fetched the commander in chief.
The large dashing has Mars four and rises and stamps one's foot: ' this is not my sentence, my words are on the desk. '
The adjutant runs back to the office again, seek the west to look for in the east, under desperation, have to belong to the things on a desk, sum
One has been moved and appeared on the stage.
The commander in chief is annoyed and sneered at the behaviours or things made: ' silk gauze! My words are all written in the desk is gone through. '
Funny allly the officers and men roar with laughter.
－ 124 －
地 中 海
張 航
隊上有幾人愛蓄長髮，隊長向全體叮嚀：「頭髮要以我的頭髮為標準
理好，否則禁足一月。」
　　集合檢查，人人均按規定理髮了，隊長笑道：「這樣聽話，才是我的
好弟兄。」
　　弟兄們頗有禮貌脫帽向隊長鞠躬致敬。隊長見這幾位同學頭頂中圈剪
得光光的，四邊還留了三分髮，隊長可氣極責問：「你們理的是什麼頭？
」
　　「地中海式的呀！」
　　「誰要你們理成這種怪頭？」
　　「隊長你呀！」
　　隊長氣得重重拍了自己光禿禿的頭頂：「他媽的！」
　　全體弟兄們可忍不住，撲嗤的齊笑出了眼淚。
Mediterranean
Zhang Hang
Whether team have several people is it hold long hair to like, team leader is to all give repeated exhortations. ' the hair should regard my hair as the standard
Pay attention to it well, otherwise prohibit the foot in January. '
The set was checked, everybody has had a hair-cut according to the regulation, the team leader smiles: ' obedient so, mine
Good brothers. '
The brothers quite raise one's hat to bow and salute courteously to the team leader. The team leader sees these classmates cut in the head centre circle
The one that have all light, having also left three to distribute here and there, it is asked reprovingly that the team leader is extremely annoying: ' what hair do you cut?
' the Mediterranean type! '
' who wants you to cut into such strange head? '
' team leader! '
The team leader is so angry as to retake one's own bare top of the head again: ' his mother! '
All brothers can can't help, Qi Xiao sneered to attack produce the tears.
－ 125 －