Aust Winner 澳洲长风论坛

[海外逸士]

渭城朝雨浥輕塵﹐客舍青青柳色新。勸君更盡一杯酒﹐西出陽關無故人。

1) A Song At Weicheng 有的版本題為“渭城曲”
A morning-rain has settled the dust in Weicheng; “輕”字漏譯
Willows are green again in the tavern dooryard 原文無again﹐也未說在dooryard
Wait till we empty one more cup -- 意思有出入
West of Yang Gate there'll be no old friends. GATE無關隘之意
(tr. by Witter Bynner )丙+

2) A POEM OF DEPARTURE 錯譯
Light rain is on the light dust 漏譯“渭城”
The willows of the inn-yard
Will be going greener and greener,應該一行。意思有出入
But you, Sir, had better take wine ere your departure, 意思有出入
For you will have no friends about you--ABOUT YOU 多餘
When you come to the gates of Go. 意思大有出入
(tr. by Ezra Pound) 丁等

3) Poem of Farewell 錯譯
Morning rain on Wei's city 不需's
Falls in the soft dust. 應該一行。Falls 與“浥”意思不同
Green. The courtyard willows.
Green leaves. The newest. 漏譯“客舍”﹐結構按排不妥
But you must drink deeper. DEEPER什麼意思﹖
Again, one more cup? 不用﹖號
Out west where you go 漏譯“陽關”
What friendship there? 不該用問句
(translator unknown) 丁等

4) Seeing Yuan the Second Off on a Mission to Anxi不是Mission
A morning shower in Weicheng has settled the light dust;
The willows by the hostel are fresh and green;
Come, drink one more cup of wine, “勸君”漏譯
West of the pass you will meet no more old friends. “陽”字漏譯
(translator unknown) 丙+

5) Wei City Song
Wei City morning rain 結構不妥dampens the light dust.
By this inn, green, newly green willows. (這是外國人譯的﹐句中也沒謂語。
凡認為譯詩裡必須句子完整的同志看一下)
I urge you to drink another cup of wine;
West of Yang Pass, are no old friends.
(tr. by Mike O'Connor) 乙-

6) Song of Wei City
In Wei City, morning rain dampens light dust.
Around the inn, green on green--new willows fresh.
I urge you, drink down one more cup of wine.
Out west, past Yang Pass, you'll find no old friends. 可簡潔
(translator unknown) 乙

7) Good-bye to Yuan the Second on His Going 有出入
In Wei city the morning rain has settled the light dust
At the inn it is green with the new willow leaves
I beg you to drink down another cup of wine
You're going out west of the frontier “陽關”漏譯
and you have no friend there. 不簡潔。該作一行。
(translator unknown) 丙+

Seeing off Yuan'er on a Mission to Anxi 不是Mission
Morning rain dampens the dust in Weicheng
New willow catkins turn an inn green 原文無catkins之意。後半錯譯
Drink one more cup of wine my friend
West of Yang Pass there's no one you know 意思略有出入
(tr. by Bill Porter) 丙+

9) Song of Wei Town (Farewell to Yuan Er on His Mission to Anxi) 不是Mission
Morning mizzles in Wei Town, its dustiness cleansed so clean, 不必重復
Green, oh green are the taverns in the willows' new-born sheen. 可簡潔
To wine, my friend, I urge you: one further cup we will drain, for 可簡潔。
FOR 不應放這裡
West beyond the Yang Pass, old friends will no more be seen. 可簡潔
(Translated by 黃宏發) 丙等

10) A FAREWELL SONG 無此中文題
No dust is raised on pathways wet with morning rain;太嚕囌。pathways多餘。
漏譯“渭城”
The willows by the tavern look so fresh and green.
I would like to ask you to drink a cup of wine again;不簡潔。
West of Sunny Pass no more friends will be seen. SUNNY用錯。至少該用名詞。

(translator unknown) 丙-

本人譯文
See YuanEr Off To Be Prefect in Anxi

The morning rain in Wei Town moistens light dust;
The inn looks green amid willow trees fresh.
I beg you to take one more cup of wine,
For West of Yang Pass, no old friends seen.
-------------------------------
附﹕評(唐)李涉“登山”2 種英譯

終日昏昏醉夢間﹐忽聞春盡強登山。因過竹院逢僧話﹐又得浮生半日閑。

1) Climbing a Mountain
All day I feel lost as drunk or in a dream 是醉夢間﹐不是“或”
Then I hear sping is over and force myself to climb 不是“強迫”﹐是“勉
強”
Passing a bamboo courtyard I meet a monk and talk
And spend another afternoon beyond this floating life “閑”字漏譯。半日
未必是下午。BEYOND何意﹖
(tr. by Bill Porter)丙等

Mountain-Climbing

All the day long living in dream or drunk in wine,是醉夢間﹐不是“或”
I force myself to mount when end the spring days fine. 不是“強迫”﹐是
“勉強”
Passing by the temple I talk with monks with pleasure, 是“竹院﹖”﹐不是
廟
Again I pass half a day of my life in leisure.
(translator unknown) 丙等

本人譯文﹕
Clamber the Mountain

I'm drowsy between drunk and dream for all day long;
Manage to climb the mountain, hearing spring is gone.
As passing bamboo yard, I meet and talk to a monk,
And get in floating life another half-day's leisure.