Aust Winner 澳洲长风论坛

[苑眉]

蒲公英的种子

野外，
有位农家小姑娘；
轻轻地，
摘下一朵蒲公英。

农家小姑娘的心事，
是蒲公英的种子；
在那一笼白色的绒球里，
若隐若现地
躲藏

轻啜红唇——
把心事放飞

飞吧，飞吧，飞吧——
纵使飞上青云
依旧扎根黄土地！


The Seeds of Dandelion

By Yuanmei

In the open field,
There is a farmer girl;
Gently, she picks
A flower off a dandelion.

The dream of the farmer girl
Is like the seeds of the dandelion;
Faintly, it shines
In the white bobble.

Taking a deep breath –
She blows her dream out of her sweet lips.

Fly, fly, and fly –
No matter how high you fly,
Still set your roots in the loessland!

=======
Loessland: the place where the dream rises from.

苑眉作品

[非马]

苑眉好！
几个小建议，提供参考：
1。野外译为open field比open farm 更开阔。
2。She pushes her dream out of her sweet lips.
She blows her dream out of her sweet lips.
3.Fly, fly, fly up – /No matter what position you fly high up on,
Fly, fly, and fly - /No matter how high you fly

[苑眉]

建议很恰当！

第二点最先也是想用 blows 的，只是当时感觉似乎力度不够，就用了 pushes，看来翻译还是不可以加入过多的想当然呢。

第三点经过老师的修改确实简洁了许多呢。

都改过了。谢谢非马老师！鞠躬！